Cheating on my married boyfriend

January 28, 2019

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I continue to read the stories of other people, and I enjoy listening to your radio programme at nights. I am still with this married man, but I am also seeing another man.

My old boyfriend, who is the married man, is still with his wife. He had promised me that by 2015 he would have divorced her. But instead, they had another child together. When she became pregnant again, I had no choice but to look for another man, who is still in my life. He only suspects that I have another man, but he does not know him because he is in and out of Jamaica. He comes to Jamaica just to see me, and he does not stay at any popular hotel.

I do not meet him at the airport or anything like that. Whenever he comes, he rents a car, and because the married man can't see me every day, I have time to meet with this guy. I am taking a big risk, Pastor, because this guy who lives in the USA is pressuring me to marry him and leave Jamaica.

When I count the money I get from these two men, I could more than live and support myself living like this. But, it's a risky life. The married guy is very suspicious. I don't know how he knows, but he was able to tell me how much money I have invested. I keep all my business documents at my mother's house, and my mother will not show those papers to anybody.


I pay $50,000 for my rent, and between the married guy and the guy from America, that is fully paid every month. I asked this man to help me buy an apartment. There are some under constructions, but he said he cannot afford it. I know he can afford it, Pastor. He has questions in his mind about the relationship. I told him that if he can't afford it, I can't afford to have him on my belly and on my back. I have to save myself for someone who can afford to make me comfortable. I do not have children, and I want to have children. But I do not want this man to get me pregnant. I would not be able to carry the pregnancy.

The guy in America says he doesn't have any woman up there. I want to believe him because whenever I call, he answers. And sometimes I wilfully call late. Whether I call at 1a.m. or 2 a.m., we talk for a long time.

I don't want to give up the relationship with the married guy, but at the same time, I don't want the American guy who is proposing to me to leave me. I am confused.


Dear V.J.,

Why don't you ask yourself the question: "What do I hope to gain out of the relationship with this married man?" Right now, he is helping to pay your rent. He told you that he was going to leave his wife and marry you, but instead, they had another child together. He has not kept his word. In the meantime, he suspects that you have another man with him, and of course, he is right about that.

The guy in America should suspect that something is wrong. He must be wondering why you have never been able to take him to your apartment, the very apartment he is helping you pay for every month. He can't be so foolish to believe that you don't have another man in your life. Fifty thousand dollars is a lot of money. Of course, he doesn't pay all of it. On the other hand, I can be wrong, because he might not want to come to your house or to expose himself to the public. That is why whenever he comes to Jamaica, he goes to hotels that are not very popular.

I have one final thing to say to you. If you know that this guy in America is trustworthy and that he loves you, end the relationship with the married man and marry him.


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