Convinced brother-in-law stole my car money

January 31, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a 28-year-old woman, and I am living with my boyfriend. We have two children, but they are not living with us. They are living with his mother, and we take them on weekends. We pay their grandma to let them stay with her. Her husband died, and she could do with some help financially, so she told us that she could keep our children and give her some money every week.

We buy groceries for the children and give grandma $6,000 every week. She said that she doesn't need so much, but we still give her. Sometimes she behaves as if the children are hers. I told my boyfriend that she is spoiling them, especially the first one, who is a boy.

I have a sister who is 22. She has a boyfriend. She is an outside child for my father. She is working, but she has a careless boyfriend. She asked my boyfriend and I if she and her boyfriend could stay with us while they look a place to live. We agreed. We don't usually lock our bedroom door. I had US$3,000. I hid it in my clothes drawer, and suddenly the money disappeared. I know my boyfriend did not move that money, and if he did, he would tell me.

I suspected that it was removed either by my sister or her boyfriend. When I missed the money, I spoke to my sister about it. I haven't said a word to my husband because I am afraid of doing so. When I spoke to my sister, she said to me: 'Who could really move that money?' She was wondering if it was her boyfriend who moved it. I didn't tell her that I suspected that he was the one who moved it; she said that right away to me. I told her she should ask him.

Pastor, it is hard to lose that money. She asked her boyfriend, and he said that he is not responsible. But my sister told me that she believed he took it, and she would pay me back. I asked her why she would give me back the money when she doesn't have any proof. She said yes, she would give me back.

I can see guilt in this man's face since my sister asked him about it. He doesn't look me in the face anymore. And although we are in this house, he tries to avoid me. My sister promised to borrow the money and give me back. Do you think that I should tell my boyfriend that the money is missing? He knows that I have the money and that we were saving it towards buying a car.

Please, I beg you, give me your advice.


Dear T.R.,

I would suggest that you ask your boyfriend whether he took the money. You said that he would not have taken it without telling you. You may or may not be correct or you may not. So, I think it is right to ask him. Your sister told you that she suspects that it could be her boyfriend, but he says he is not responsible. But your sister has promised to give you back the money.

Could it be that she knows her boyfriend to be a thief and she does not want you to ask him to leave? What are her reasons for agreeing to give you back the money and you have not accused him of stealing it? Do you think that it is because your sister is afraid that you would ask them to leave your house why she is willing to put herself in debt to give you back the money?

If you were to ask your boyfriend about that money, many questions may come to his mind. And if you were to tell him that your sister suspects that it might have been taken by her boyfriend, he is likely to become very angry and ask them to find another place to live. Whatever the reaction might be, US$3,000 is a lot of money, and it is just proper for your boyfriend to know what is going on. So, I say to you again, please, inform him. But tell him not to ask them to leave.


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