28 years old and still a virgin

February 01, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your articles online and in hard copy. Keep up the good work, and all the best for 2019. I have a problem that has been with me for a very long time. I am a 28-year-old male, who is still a virgin.

As a result of being in this state at this time, I have developed some bad habits that I wish I could get under control. Since the age of 13, I have been masturbating. I know that it is in our teenage years that we explore our bodies. Fast-forward to today, I still do it, but I hate doing it.

I have not been lucky with women so far. Through high school, I have had girls who were my friends. I like a few, but that was just about it. At this age, it's even harder. To make matters even worse, I have been watching porn.

Sometimes I would stay up late at nights watching porn, masturbating, and then I pray and go to bed. I think not having a girlfriend is entirely my fault. I am not that shy and I make people happy, so I don't have a problem there. The way I dress is not spectacular. My family and I are not financially strong. I have a job, and so does my father. Sometimes when I am among my friends and they are talking about sex and how it's exciting and enticing, when the question comes to me, I have to lie and step away from the group, saying I remember something or I have an errand of the sort. I just feel left out and embarrassed to say I have never had sex.

I just wish I could break out of my shell, but it's like I can't. I have been laughed at because of how I dress, how I blush too much, etc. I just hate this. I've not even had my first kiss. Imagine that! I am just tired of this lonely life, as it is affecting me really bad.

Thank you. I await your response.


Dear D.O.,

Please do not condemn yourself. You are 28 and still a virgin. Nothing is wrong with that. You might be surprised to know that there are lots of women who would love to meet a man your age who is a virgin. I don't know why people laugh at you because of the way you dress. Maybe you need some help in that area.

I also believe that you are a good man and that you are smart. Not having a girlfriend doesn't mean that you are silly. But, you should pray and ask God not just to give you a girlfriend, but to give you a wife. And, a good woman who loves you would stay with you and help you to overcome your shyness and whatever shortcomings you may have.

Therefore, I repeat, do not condemn yourself if you find that you masturbate from time to time. Try your best not to spend your time looking at porn. It would not help you. All it would encourage you to do is to experiment or to want to experiment.

Some women want to go to bed with men who date them for the first time or soon after. Try to find a girl who is patient and would want to have a good man in her life, not one who wants to know everything about you in bed soon after meeting you, because if you don't agree to go to bed, she will laugh at you and call you a fool. But, you know yourself. You are not a fool. I will be praying for you.


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