Husband got me and my ‘matey cousin’ pregnant

February 22, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem with my husband. We have been married for three years. When we got married, he wasn't working, but he had got me pregnant, so I agreed to marry him because I was so embarrassed by having a baby out of wedlock.

My parents are Christians and I grew up in the church. My father works with government and is well known. I didn't want to do anything to cause embarrassment on the family.

After we got married, my husband got a job. He was entitled to a car, but I was never considered when he was going anywhere.

He would tell me he was going to so-and-so. If I suggested that I wanted to go with him, he would say no, others were travelling with him.

I had my baby, and when my husband should've been with me, he was not.

One day, I got a call from someone who didn't identify herself; she told me that she was pregnant for my husband. I was shocked.

I asked her how long the friendship had been going on and she told me eight months.

This woman said that she tried to abort the pregnancy but she couldn't, because she became ill and she just wanted me to know that she was pregnant for my husband. She said that she also thought of suicide, because she was married and her husband was away.

This woman was really worried. We became friends on the phone. My husband would not admit that he was having a relationship with her.

We decided to meet, but my husband would not agree to that. When this woman and I met, she told me everything. As we talked, we discovered that we were cousins.

I told my husband that I was going to leave him, and this woman said she was going to tell her husband that she got pregnant by another man.

When I told my husband I was going to leave him, he admitted that he had a one-night stand with the woman, but she had sex with other men and that the child might not be his.

I asked her if it were true that she had been having sex with other men. she said that my husband was trying to spread rumours.

Since I have threatened to leave him, my husband has become the sweetest man. He is always helping me around the house and bringing home gifts.

This woman's husband told her that he doesn't want to see her in the house when he comes back, so the man who got her pregnant should find a place for her to live.

I am so sorry for her, but I am also sorry for myself because we are cousins.

How can I tell my parents that my husband has impregnated another woman and that that woman is related to us?

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

I must admit that you are in a very, very difficult situation. You have endeavoured to live a good life.

But perhaps, one may say that you should have suspected that he was seeing someone else. The woman he got pregnant doesn't have a high standard, either.

The most shocking news you got from this woman is that both of you are related. I am glad that you don't hate her. That doesn't make sense.

Yes, you may have good reasons to hate her but that would not help the situation, so encourage her to beg her husband to forgive her.

She should tell him the whole truth. Right now, her husband is angry and has told her to get out of the house.

You should tell your parents everything. You need their moral support. I suggest that you make an appointment to see a family counsellor for your husband and yourself.

Right now, you may find it difficult to forgive your husband. But the way both of you are living cannot go on forever, so seek professional help. Please, let me hear from you again.

Pastor

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