Thinking of adopting my sister’s baby

February 22, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a Jamaican, but I am living in another country. My husband is not Jamaican, but he loves Jamaica and he always wants us to go there on vacation.

My parents are not in Jamaica anymore, although I have uncles, aunts and one sister there. When I go to Jamaica, I spend too much money.

I prefer to stay in a hotel, but my husband likes to move around and eat Jamaican food. He loves to eat jerk pork and hang around with the guys who smoke weed.

My husband and I do not have children, and it seems as if I will never get pregnant. My sister is pregnant. She says that she was raped, but she never reported it.

She knows the guy. My husband has been encouraging me to adopt the child. I am not sure that this is a wise thing for us to do. The baby is going to be a girl. I would prefer to adopt a boy.

This is the only sister that I have in Jamaica. I think she was careless and from what I heard, she was always going out with this guy, so it was not a rape.

She has a visa and the pregnancy is only three months. Sometimes I am sorry I got married, because not being able to give my husband a child has not been easy for me.

He doesn't make that a bother to him. I have a good job and he has a good job and we have assets. I would like to pass on some of what we have to our children. I have given up on having a child.

Do you think adopting my sister's child is a good idea?

T.M.

Dear T.M.,

You have got married to a good man. He doesn't give you any trouble. He loves Jamaica and Jamaican food.

He prefers to come to Jamaica for vacation, while you prefer to go other places. What I would suggest is that your husband and your compromise.

Suggest to him that you can visit Jamaica every two years so that you would be able to visit other countries.

You said that you have not be able to have children and it bothers you. I could understand that, but that is what makes adoption very necessary.

But before I go on, even people who have had biological children have adopted other children. I have friends in Oklahoma in the US, who were very healthy.

They have their biological children, but they were willing to share their wealth by adopting other children; so they did.

I think you should be happy to have a man who agrees to adopt your sister's child. She said she was raped; you doubt she was. Put that behind you.

Whether she was raped or not, that is not the issue; your sister did not report to the police that she was raped, neither did she try to abort the pregnancy.

So don't make an issue over whether or not she was raped.

I believe that because she is your sister, it is a concern to you, and your sister may still feel that she has a right to the child.

If it's a legal adoption (which I hope that it would be), your sister would not have any claim for the child.

Therefore, my suggestion is that you go ahead and adopt the child legally, but before steps are taken, make sure that your husband and you consult a lawyer who has experience in these matters for guidance.

Pastor

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