In love with Canadian ‘Joe Grind’

March 08, 2019

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I have been reading your column for a long time.

I have a boyfriend, and whenever he buys THE STAR and reads your column, we discuss what you say.

Sometimes he disagrees with you, but most times I am on your side. We are not married, so whenever you encourage men to get married, he always says that you are forcing people to get married.

His parents have been living together for 35 years and they are not married. His mother is always saying that she is sorry that she wasted her time with his father because she could have got married, but she did not want her children to see her with another man.

His father is a Rasta and he does not believe in going before a minister, because the Bible says, " A man must just take a woman and make her his wife."

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is the same age. I told him I would not be like his mother to have children and not get married.

I am trying to be loyal and faithful to him, but I have a friend who lives in Canada. He has offered to marry me and that is one of the reasons I am writing to you.

This man came to Jamaica during the Christmas season and he stayed at a guest house.

I lied to my boyfriend and told him that I was going to visit my grandmother who lives in St James. But, I went and spent two days with the guy from Canada, and those were the best two days that I have spent in a long time. He is a loving man.

I did not want to stop having sex with him, and when he put me on the bus to come back to Kingston, he cried. I asked him to give me three months to make up my mind about what to do. He knows that I'm living with a man.

My problem is that everybody in my family knows about my boyfriend, but nobody knows about the guy in Canada. I have a good job and it is not because I want to go to Canada why I want to marry this man. Please give me your advice.

T. K.

Dear T.K.,

You have to think about your future. You have been living with this man. Evidently, he is a good man, but he doesn't believe in marriage. He enjoys having a woman. In other words, I am sure that he will tell everybody that he loves you and you are his wife, but he doesn't believe that that has to be legal. He is not alone in thinking that way.

If that is his position and you don't agree with it, and you would like to be legally married, you should end the relationship with him and move on.

Concerning the guy in Canada, you know that you love him very much, and you know that it is not a wise thing to hide and be with him.

So, I would say that as long as you are with this man, don't take that risk. It's a different thing entirely if this man and you were no longer intimate, but don't stay with him and cheat. I wish you well.

Pastor

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