He got another woman in the district pregnant

April 12, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I read your column most of the times, and I have paid keen attention to your responses. But right now I am in need of some counselling. I have two girls; one is eight years old and the other one is seven months old. I was not feeling well in January 2018. I went to the doctor, and I was told that I was six weeks pregnant, which surprised me. My babyfather and I started to have sex without using the condom, and I was not on any contraceptive because we were not having sex regularly.

I am a Sunday school teacher, but he is not a Christian. When I told him, he was not surprised. He told me that he has another woman who is three months pregnant. He and I are together for 15 years and six months.

Now I realise the mistakes that I have made in the past by not helping him to save his money when he asked me to, because he is not a saver. If I had helped him to save, he would have a house by now and would not be going into his bank account.

When he asked me to help him save, I did not agree because I didn't want him to say that I have his money.

I am wondering how come all of this is happening to me again, and I did not know that he was seeing someone else. I asked him, but he didn't tell me.

I don't have much sexual experience because I was 17 years old when we started to see each other. He told me that he would marry me, but he doesn't have any money.

Now, his other babymother has gone back overseas to work, and he has the baby at his parents' home, where he lives. We all live in the same district.

Please, help me because I feel like I am going to die. I have started a bedroom, and I want to finish it. I am so embarrassed. I cry every day because I have heard of things like this, but I never knew that it would happen to me.

His babymother has a shop beside the school that our daughter attends. I can remember that the year before last year, I had told the Lord to do something for me because I was tired of him asking me for sex. It was like he can't do without it. And if I didn't do it, he would say that he is going to get it elsewhere.

I have asked if he was seeing someone else, and he said no. He would even visit me every night. He told me that he loves me no matter what happens, and I believed him. He gives me anything that I want.

I think it is my fault, because he always says that he cannot understand me, so I wanted to end the relationship.

I have never enjoyed any of my pregnancies. I was going to go on contraceptive just to have sex with him all the time. I was such a foolish girl.

I know that there is no cure for this. I left him since February 5, 2018, because I never believed that he would have done that to me. I am so hurt.


Dear N.A.,

I regret hearing of the mistakes that you have made. Nevertheless, I must point out that you should have been aware that if you engage in having unprotected sex, it was likely that you would become pregnant. And that is exactly what happened. Unfortunately, this man doesn't care. He is a very irresponsible man.

I want you to know that I am really sorry for the situation you're in. You have to learn to say no to this man. You have tried, but you allowed him to come back again and again, and this man has made a fool of you. I will be praying for you. But, please, don't allow this man to continue to use you.

You are a Sunday school teacher, so what is happening to you is very embarrassing indeed. If you come from a caring church, they would help you and not condemn you. Be assured of my prayers.


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