Deportee husband might be giving me ‘bun’

April 25, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I'm writing to ask your opinion. I've been with my partner for 14 years, and he has been deported to Jamaica. I chose to join him here in Jamaica. We had three kids together at the time, and he had four from his marriage in England. He went to jail, and his wife lost her kids to social services. But I still chose to come Jamaica to be with him, and while here in Jamaica, we had another child together. I have to travel to and from Jamaica, but my children reside here in Jamaica because of school.

My children told me that they have seen their father with other women, and he has denied it till he is blue in the face. I don't want to disbelieve my children, so I let it slide. We have hit hard times, and since coming back to Jamaica, I have seen messages between him and his ex-wife that make me think twice about our relationship. He says I'm crazy. I know that nothing physical is happening between the both of them, but to me, sometimes the thoughts of cheating are just as bad.

He didn't stay with his wife because she was having sex with everybody. I try to be the best person I can, but it seems to me that being nice doesn't pay off. So, Pastor, what do you think? Is it all in my head that my kids are liars, or is this man taking me for a fool?


Dear A.D.,

This man has done enough to cause you to believe your children. There is no reason for them to lie on their father with regard to women. And you should know that. You are in and out of the country, so he has time on his hands to be involved with another woman. He is that type of a man. And you should not be shocked if you were to find out that he has got another woman pregnant.

I don't understand why you allowed him to get you pregnant again, knowing that the man is not financially strong. Perhaps the woman with whom he is having a relationship is assisting him financially. Do not think that I have taken what you said lightly. I am just sorry to know that you have tried to keep the relationship going and he is fooling around. He is making a fool of himself and bringing hardship on the family.

You should not take any risks with this man. You should insist that he uses a con dom when both of you are having sexual intercourse. In fact, to protect yourself, make sure you purchase condoms and keep a supply handy whenever you are around.


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