I forced my Christian girlfriend to have sex with me

April 25, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a 35-year-old man. I have been living with my girlfriend for over five years. We have two children together. We are planning on getting married, but we don't have the money yet.

My girlfriend has a sister who is studying to be a lawyer. And nowadays, she has taken it up on herself to give my children's mother advice. My children's mother has been attending a church, and she said she has been saved, so we can't sleep together again. She moved out of our bedroom and has been sleeping with the children because she says we were fornicating.

At the same time, her sister is not suggesting that she would help her pay for the wedding. Plus, the minister at the church she is attending doesn't have a licence to marry anybody. So we would have to pay someone else to marry us. I don't want her to break her pledge to God or the church. But to me, although we have not been before a pastor, we are married because there isn't anything that a married couple does that we can't do. She cooks for me and washes my clothes and everything. But when it comes to sex, she is not giving me that, and I want that from her.

On New Year's Eve, I forced her to have sex with me, and she started to make noise, and I threatened her. I thought that would be just between the both of us, but she told her sister about it. And instead of giving her good advice, the sister told her that she should have called the police and let them charge me for rape.

When I thought about it, I was so angry because that was the same sister who borrowed $100,000 a few years ago to pay school fees, and until now, she hasn't given it back to me.

I take care of almost all the bills because the little money that my lady is making can't go very far. She wants a white dress and bridesmaids and groomsmen and a reception at her wedding. I can't pay for that right now. I was never a cheater, but I have been thinking about it. It is not hard for me to get a woman. I have them at my workplace, and many are my friends.

Please, explain to me what this spousal rape is all about and how I can be charged if we are living together and have children.

C.S.

Dear C.S.,

Some men seem to have difficulty understanding what spousal rape is. You see, sir, things have changed. There was a time when women would allow their men to sexually abuse them by forcing them to have sex. And even to this day, men believe that if they want sex, their women should not resist, especially if they are married and living together. Even if they are not married and living together, men believe that whenever they touch their women for sex, the women should consent. Many women who have resisted have been physically abused.

If you were to think about it, you would agree that if your woman does not want to have sex with you and you beat her up and force her against her will, that is a form of domestic violence.

A woman has a right to say no to her spouse. And, by the way, a man has a right to say no to his woman at any time. I would tell you that some women can get very violent when their men refuse to have sex with them. And some women say the most outrageous things to their men when the men are not in the mood for sex.

COULD BE CHARGED

So although you resent what your sister-in-law told her sister, what she was trying to say was that you could be charged for sexual abuse. I know you don't like that, but your woman has to also understand that for five years, both of you have operated as husband and wife, and if she has now become a part of the church and would like to get married, a very simple ceremony could take place, and later on, both of you could have a renewal of vows and invite all of Jamaica to witness the special occasion.

You have children together, and you are not preventing her from going to church. But you want to have sexual intercourse with her because you want to function as a man. I am not here to tell this woman what to do or to tell you what to do. I am just saying that both of you should use common sense. And if both of you could have a simple wedding, I would be willing to officiate it free of cost. I therefore suggest that you call my office and speak to my assistant, who will give you an appointment to see me. I will be glad to see you.

Please, don't go and search for another woman as it may just destroy your family life.

Pastor

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