I can’t stop hating myself

May 09, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I'm writing to you in regard to a predicament I'm facing. I'm an American with Caribbean parents, but they have been divorced since I was a baby.

When I was born, my parents were told that I have a learning disability, but they decided to do nothing about it.

I have been abused physically, mentally and emotionally by almost everyone who claimed to be family, and also by caregivers.

I became a parent at age 18 and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder, anxiety and developmental delays.

I graduated at grade 12 with excellent marks and I got accepted to three different schools. But because of my mental state and because I'm unable to attend school, I did not get far.

Sometimes I want to hurt myself but I can't, because I have children who need me. My fiance has got me the help I need and I am currently on one medication and doing therapy.

My question to you is, how do I stop hating myself? I hate the fact that I'm the one who is hurting, yet those who have made me this way are able to live their lives.

K.N.

Dear K.N.,

You might not believe that you are doing well, but I want to assure you that it is not everybody who is against you.

For example, at present you have a man in your life who cares much about you and he is doing his best to help you.

It would be so wrong for you to continue to believe that nobody cares and the best thing for you is to continue hating yourself.

Another thing I want you to remember is that you have children, and that you have to live in such a way that they would see you as a great example.

It is not always easy to answer the question, "Why do some people suffer more than others?"

However, God is in control, and even those who suffer can be a blessing to those who are less fortunate.

When you are tempted to be sorry for yourself, take time to read your Bible and pray. Read Psalm 37, it should help you not to worry.

You might not be able to do lots of things that other people do, but be grateful to God for what you can do. My prayers are with you.

Pastor

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