Ex-con wants to visit me in Jamaica

May 10, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column, and I am writing to you about a problem. I hope that you can help me. When I was 19 years old, I left the country side to try my luck in Kingston. I had two school friends who came to Kingston and got jobs in stores. When they visited their parents, they were well dressed, and they told me how nice Kingston was and that I should leave and come to Kingston.

Both of them told me that they had boyfriends, and how their boyfriends were treating them well. I had a boyfriend in country, so I told him that I would try my luck in Kingston, and he told me that his grandmother always says that "Kingston kill some". He discouraged me. At that time, I did not know that I was pregnant by him, but I lost the baby. When I found out that I was pregnant, I returned to the country.

I wasn't excited that I was pregnant, but he was. He told his mother that I was pregnant. But when I lost the baby, his relatives said that I threw away the belly. I asked him if he believed that I had an abortion, and he said he didn't know what to say. So, I knew from that answer that he believed that I had an abortion. The next time we met, we talked about it again, and he told me the same thing - he did not know what to say, so I left him.


I met a man on the Internet. All he was talking about was sex and that he wanted to come to Jamaica to visit me. I asked him about his wife or girlfriend, and he said that he did not have any. I believed him because any time I called him, he would answer. Then one day I told him that he should come to Jamaica, but he would have to stay in a hotel. He said he wanted to stay with me, but I told him that was not possible.

As I talked to him, I realised that he was not straight and that he had gone to prison. I don't want any man who has gone to prison. He is not telling me why he was sentenced to prison. Since I have been talking to this man, he has never sent me a dollar although I have told him that I am not working and in need of help.

Do you think I should encourage him to come to Jamaica? I don't want to make a mistake.


Dear C.B.,

First of all, let me comment on what you experienced with your boyfriend and why you ended the relationship with him. You were correct in telling him that you were no longer interested in having a relationship with him. He believed that you had an abortion. He heard the rumour, and he accepted the rumour to be true. You couldn't convince him that you didn't have an abortion, so you did the correct thing by ending the relationship.

Concerning this new man you met online, you should be very careful with him. You have never met him personally, and you should learn that many people lie on the Internet. Some even post pictures pretending that these pictures are of themselves. They always want to know so much about others. They lie and say what they own, and when it comes to whether they have children, they hardly speak the truth.

You say that this man has never sent you a dollar although he knows that you are not working. My dear, he cannot send you what he does not have. He is probably unemployed and hustling here and there for something to eat. You don't need this kind of man. He is a 'bruk-pocket man', and he probably feels that Jamaican women are fools. He has refused to tell you about himself. You might as well tell him to push his head in an ant nest; you don't want him.

By the way, unless you are sure of getting a job in Kingston, stay where you are in rural Jamaica and try and get a job there. Perhaps you should also consider going to the Heart Trust/NTA and get some training.


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