Hurts whenever I have sex

May 16, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I will be 20 in June. I am having a problem. I started to have sex when I was 15. I always enjoyed having sex.

I started to have sex with a 25-year-old man. He told me that he shouldn't be having sex with me but I told him that I wanted him to do it.

He had two children with another woman. I knew the woman but she didn't know anything about our relationship.

He treated me so well that I told him that he had to leave the woman. He told me he couldn't do that.

On my 16th birthday, he bought me a pair of high-heeled shoes. That was the first time I was going to wear a shoes with high heels.

My mother asked me where I got them and I lied to her. I used to practise to wear the shoes.

He took me out for my birthday and after that, we went to a motel. He was very strict with me. I had to do my schoolwork.

He gave me enough money so that I was able to share some with my school friends. But, I was angry with him over a problem and I wrote him a rude text and he didn't delete it from his phone, and his children's mother saw it and contacted me.

I had to lie and tell her that the text was not meant for him. I said it was for my boyfriend, but I sent it to him by mistake.

When he saw me, he slapped me up because I told him that I was not sorry that she saw it. I got involved with another guy just to spite him and I told him that I had sex with the guy.

We had a fight and I threatened to go to the police and he left me. If I had stayed with him, he would have helped me to go to college, but I had to struggle on my own.


I have another guy now, but I am having problems. The first time I had sex with him, I experienced pain.

When I told him, he said that perhaps it was because I wasn't accustomed to having sex. He didn't know about my previous boyfriend.

I did not tell him. He said I would get accustomed to having sex with him and I wouldn't have pains.

I always used the condoms with the other guys, but this guy doesn't have children and I agreed that I would give him one, so he does not use the condom.

The pains have continued and are getting worse. He is not bigger than the other guys. My first boyfriend had a bigger penis and I didn't have pains.

I would like to find out what is causing the pains. When I told my boyfriend that I wanted to go to the doctor, he told me that I would be wasting my money. That is why I am asking for your advice.


Dear S.N.,

I would suggest that you try and see a doctor as soon as possible. You have probably never gone to see a gynaecologist so you should try to do so.

There are many reasons why a woman may suffer pain, after sex. Sometimes it is not just after sex, but during sex.

Deep penetration may cause a woman to suffer pain and some men believe that they are not pleasing their women unless the woman is having pains. Some say the woman have to bawl.

Pains may also be caused from infection. Therefore, it would be wise to go to a doctor and have them determine what is causing you to feel pains after sex.

It is unfortunate that your man is not sensitive enough or concerned about you enough to give you money or to encourage you to see a doctor.

Perhaps you should tell him that you would not have any more sex unless you can see a doctor and find out for sure why you are having pains.

You have not stated whether you have tried to improve your education, but if you are not able to go to the doctor without the help of this man, it means that you are not doing well financially.

Therefore, you should not be willing to have a child for this man who is behaving as if he is controlling you. I beg you to use common sense.

The most important person in your life is you, therefore, take care of yourself. You have made mistakes in the past. Try not to repeat them.


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