Mom is giving my sick dad ‘bun’

June 07, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old, and I am the second to last child for my father. My father and mother were living together. My mother had three other children before my father met her. He had seven children before he met my mother, but he settled down when he and my mother became friends. She always said that she knew how to cool him.

When my father became ill and was unable to work hard, my mother kept another man with him. But he did not know until one of his sisters found out and told him. My mother had this relationship with one of his friends who used to come to the house. The friend would pretend that he was there to visit my dad, but he was there to visit my mother. Sometimes he was there until very late. Even when my father thought he was gone, he was still there.

Several times when he was leaving at nights, my mother would tell me that she was walking out the road with him, and she would come back very late. Whenever I asked why she was coming back so late, she used to say she met friends on the way and they were talking. But I knew that she went out with the man.

My brothers and sisters, who are my father's children, hardly visit our father because of my mother. I get along well with them, especially an older sister and brother, who are helping me to go to school. I told them what my mother is doing, and they told me that I shouldn't say anything to dad because that would send him to his grave faster.

This man is always here on a Friday night. He is living with a woman, but they do not have children, and she goes to bed early because she is a Sabbath keeper.


My father had a stroke, so one side of his body is paralysed. The house we are living in belongs to my brother and I, but my older brother and sister told me that this woman has her eyes on the house. They said that when our father has passed on, they are going to throw her out of the house because they know that she would take over and try to run us out.

One of my brothers told me that it is not only one man my mother is keeping. He has seen her with another man twice. Should I tell my father what is happening?


Dear C.L.,

You are 18 years old. Therefore, you are old enough to reason with your mother and tell her the things that are bothering you. If you have good reason to believe that your mother is cheating on your father, you should talk to her about it. You said she has been doing so since your father became ill.

I do not believe that you are a silly girl. You are living at the house, and you see what is going on. The relationship that your mother is having with this man, who is the friend of your father, is not just a casual relationship. And she should know that you are old enough to know what is going on. Although your brother said that you should not say anything to your father, I believe that you should say something to your mother.

To keep quiet is to give the impression that you don't care what your mother is doing. I expect your mother to deny that she is having an intimate relationship with this man. But to deny that she is having an intimate relationship with him does not mean that she is not doing so. She is probably broke, and she is relying on these other men to help to support her.

Your older siblings should come together and help their father. They should see to it that he goes to the doctor regularly and that your mother has enough to take care of his meals, etc. His immediate needs are his health and food. Your siblings shouldn't be too concerned about the house. Whatever your mother has to have according to the law, she should. Their immediate concern should be about the welfare of your father.

Whenever you are speaking to your mother, be respectful. Be careful what words you use. If you don't, she may hate you and curse you. If while talking to her she becomes very angry, do not proceed. Leave that to your older siblings. Let them talk to her about her behaviour.


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