Wife lied about getting raped

June 13, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I read your column every morning when I'm at work and it has been so tempting to email you about my story.

I am a 23-year-old businessman. I operate a local paint store and I do part-time security work. I have been married from November 2016 to my high-school sweetheart.

But before I got married, I was going through a lot of ups and downs, so the relationship wasn't balanced because I was always the one to disappear.

A few years back, I went to visit her at her home unannounced and I realised that she was pregnant. I was so hurt and shocked. I even cried.

I spent the day there and I asked her why she didn't tell me that she was pregnant, knowing that we spoke almost every day over the phone.

She started crying, telling me that she was drugged and raped by a guy she met at some local party. At that time, her pregnancy was eight months along.

I asked her if she wanted me to be the baby daddy and she said yes.

I spent all that I had in my savings to prepare. It cost me a lot because I wasn't financially ready, and all this was a surprise.

A few months after the baby was born, I married this girl because we're a family and I love her so much. Everything was perfect until a few weeks after our wedding.

I saw a conversation between her and a man and I read it all. She was still seeing the guy she said raped her and taking the child to see him as well.

I was so hurt by her lies, knowing that the baby has my name. I spoke to the child's biological father and he said he gave her money to do an abortion, but she didn't, but both of them were in a relationship.

I talked to her about everything for the whole time. Throughout my marriage I was loyal, until we started fighting because of what happened.

THINKING ABOUT THEM

Then she moved out. But I know I love my wife and my daughter a lot. I think about them every day.

I thought we could have got some professional help for our marriage, but each time we made a step to get back together, we totally forget all about the plan and everything goes back to square one.

Now that she's at her mom's house, I haven't seen my daughter in months. I really do miss her and love her. I hate myself because I lost my family.

My wife is not a fighter like me. I remember starting the divorce process and she wouldn't sign the papers; she ignores them every time.

Her mom doesn't want to see us together because she was always 'up in our marriage'.

I'm still in love with my wife. I've been through a few relationships after and I haven't met anyone who has touched me the way my wife does. I love only her.

When I'm with another woman it feels so wrong, and I can't seem to get her off my mind. I just want to know what is best for me to do.

K.W.

Dear K.W.,

You would expect me, as a family counsellor, to say stay with this woman you called your wife. But I am afraid I cannot do so with a clear conscience. Another counsellor might tell you to do so, but I can't. If I am wrong, may God forgive me. But as I see it, I think you should run from this woman, and do so as fast as you can. I am prepared to be criticised for what I have said. I could promise, however, that I will remember you in my prayers.

You are sleeping and you need to wake up.

Pastor

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