Told my friend that her man wanted to have sex with me

June 18, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old, and I am having a problem. I have a very close friend. Both of us went to a prominent high school in Kingston. Both of us got boyfriends together, but her boyfriend was always interested in me. I told him many times that I was not interested in him. I asked him if he did not love my friend. He said that he does, but every time he sees me, he gets an erection. He said that when he is alone, instead of thinking of her, he thinks about me.

One day when my friend and I were alone, I asked her how her relationship was going with her boyfriend, and she told me it couldn't be better. I told her that I had something to tell her about him, but it was nothing good. And she said that if it was about another woman, I shouldn't tell her, so I said OK, I wouldn't tell her. Then she said I should tell her. I did not tell her.

Very late that night, she called me and said I should tell her what I wanted to tell her about her boyfriend. I told her that her boyfriend had a crush on me, and I told her what he had been telling me. She wanted to know how long, and I told her how long. She also wanted to know why I did not tell her before. I told her that I did not want our friendship to break up, and I thought her boyfriend would change.

She asked him about it, and he denied everything. He lied and told her that I was the one who was always forcing myself on him and that I was trying to get him to have sex with me. My girlfriend believed him. He made up some dirty stories about me. These stories were so painful that I thought I should tell my boyfriend because I could not bear them alone.

I am glad that I told my boyfriend what this guy had been saying. We decided to try and get all four of us to meet and to talk over the problem, but he never came. His girlfriend showed up, my boyfriend was there, and I was there. We called his number, but he did not respond. His girlfriend apologised to me. Now we are good friends again, but the relationship with the two of them has broken up. I am wondering if I am to be blamed for telling my friend that her boyfriend was always trying to be intimate with me.

Pastor, do you think that I did the right thing by informing her?


Dear D.L.,

I do not believe that you should condemn yourself for telling your friend that her boyfriend was trying to become intimate with you and that he had tried to do so many times. When you told her, I am sure that you did not mean for both of them to break up. You were hoping that she would warn him that if he continued to do so, she would end the relationship with him. But he denied it, and he called you a liar. And instead of admitting his wrong, he said some very unpleasant things about you.

It was good that all four of you decided to meet and talk about this thing. But unfortunately, your friend's so-called boyfriend did not show up. And by not showing up, he gave the impression that he was guilty as charged.

You need not to condemn yourself for telling your girlfriend that this man approached you many times for both of you to be intimate. If you had become involved with him, you would have betrayed your girlfriend. You can be at peace with yourself that you informed your friend.


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