She didn’t even give me a cup of tea when I was sick

June 21, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am having a serious issue with the relationship that I am currently in. I love and care for my girlfriend, but I don't think that she does the same for me. The reason why I say this is because of her actions. The only thing that she really does for me is wash my clothes. She was sick with her foot at one point. I took her to the doctor, and based on the treatment, she required dressing at nights.

I made it my point of duty, every single night, to make sure she was cared for up to this point. Praises be to God, her foot is great, and she is even playing netball again. We went out to the beach the other day, and from the moment we left the beach, I felt really sick. When we got home I went to lie down, and she stayed on the verandah for the entire time and did not even look at me. We went to bed, and from the moment she laid down, she started sleeping. I couldn't sleep because I was not feeling well.

At one point, I asked her for a bottle of water, and she didn't even turn. I got up and helped myself. In the morning, she got up then woke me up and said she was tired. I was feeling the same way. I asked her for only one cup of tea. She started to use her phone, and I had to go and make that tea myself.

She is 33 years old and her co-workers are far younger than her, but she is controlled by them. I really love her, but she does not give me attention nor communicate with me, and she does not respect me. Our sex life is very boring. Whenever it comes to sex, she just lies down, and that is it. I think she has another relationship, and each time I talk to her, she tries to argue. At one point, I could do anything on her phone, but these days her code is changed. Things are just not the same.

I have committed my life to her, but I don't think she sees that or is even interested in me. I keep talking to her about these feelings that I am having, and nothing is changing. Pastor please give me your advice, so I can know what to do. This minute I want to leave her, but the next minute when I remember the kind things that she has done for me at the beginning of the relationship, I can't leave her. But I can't take the disrespect, lack of attention and non-communication. She has never even asked me how work was or how was my day. When she gets home from work, she is on her phone and then to bed. There is no time for me.


Dear I.J.,

This relationship doesn't make any sense. Therefore, I suggest that if you are not ready to move on, you and this woman should go and see a family counsellor. But her behaviour doesn't appear as if she is in love with you. Be careful now. Don't waste your time hanging around for too long.


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