Babyfather says I should have had an abortion

July 01, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I got involved with a man who told me that he was separated from his wife for two years and was going through a divorce. I lived with him for several months and got pregnant.

We discussed building a life together, like getting married, buying a house, and doing business.

He treated me well during the pregnancy. He prepared my meals and assisted in any way I needed him. He came to my doctor's visits and was at every appointment for an ultrasound.

I went to the country where my mom was, because I had complications and had to be on bed rest. I realised his calls and visits weren't frequent and I couldn't video call him and get him.

He sent me money to assist with my expenses. He was to come for the birth of the baby but had to go overseas on work-related matters.

He came to see us after the twins were born, but his attitude changed. He started saying his place was too small for all of us and was making excuses.

We were planning to get a bigger place together but he never tried. When I went back to his place, I noticed women's clothing, condoms, and lubricants that weren't there before, and he seemed to be on edge or angry at our very presence.

I asked him what was wrong and he eventually said that we were incompatible, so I asked him to explain but he couldn't. I moved out. He started telling me I should have done an abortion as he didn't want any more children, as he had two already.

One of the babies was admitted in hospital and he hardly went to visit. He bought the supplies, but claimed he was busy with work.

He was at the hospital with me one night and a young woman came to him for his house key. I confronted the girl and she told me I was just his babymother.

After the confrontation, he told me that he wasn't serious about her but she helped him out by doing his house chores.

I've seen them around town together, though, as I struggled with his twins. He told me he stopped his divorce and is getting back together with his wife because The Bible speaks against divorce and he wants to go to Heaven.

His wife doesn't know about the twins. He had a child before them, too, that I don't think she knew about.

My children don't have a father's love although he claims he loves them. I can't believe that, as every chance he gets, he says it's my fault he is stressed and that he didn't want them.

I saw him with the girl recently and I was upset. I texted him and was quarrelling. He texted me, calling me a whore and the worst names he could come up with.

He is the cruellest and most deceptive person I've ever met. He made it clear that I'm no longer welcome at his place, yet he wants to come to my place to visit the children.

I don't want him at my place either, but how do I go forward in this situation? I narrowly escaped postpartum depression due to the stress of the situation and caring for the children. I'm very forgetful and sad. Advise me, Pastor.

T.S.

Dear T.S.,

First of all, I regret hearing about what you have been suffering and I urge you to seek help from a psychologist or a psychiatrist if you have not done so already.

You may think that the biggest problem that you are having right now is with this man. However, your biggest challenge is with yourself. You need to get well.

You need to bounce back, and although you are under severe trials, you can overcome everything and get stronger as the days go by. A psychologist could help you.

Now, let's talk about this man. He is a wicked, two-footed beast, and you need not fight him anymore. He is a liar.

I hate to tell you, though, that he has a right to see his children even though you don't want him at your house.

I suggest that you put this matter before the court and ask the judge to decide for you when is the best time for him to see his children, for how long, and where.

You should also ask for child support. Tell the judge that you would prefer to have the child support be paid through the court. I wish you well. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor

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