I want to marry my best friend’s ex-husband

July 04, 2019

Dear Pastor,

You may not remember me, but I was the maid of honour at a wedding you officiated some years ago. The groom was a white guy, but the bride was a black Jamaican and she was my friend. That marriage has broken up, because the bride (my friend) did not tell this man that she had five children. She told him she had two and he agreed to marry her.

When the time came for him to file the papers, it was then that the truth came out. She said she did not know that it would have caused a problem. I feel so sorry for her. But the problem I am having is that this man has turned on me. He says that he loves me. I don't have any children. He is planning to divorce his wife, and he would still help her, but he does not want her in his life anymore.

Pastor, I don't have a boyfriend and I don't have a permanent job. I am getting to like this man. I told him that he should try and find a wife from America, but he says he loves Jamaican women.

My girlfriend told me that she knows that she is the one who screwed up and she would not hold it against me if I agree to marry him. I would like to know if I would be doing the right thing.


Dear C.L.,

I remember vividly the particular wedding you are referring to. I was not aware, however, that the bride had lied to the groom about the number of children she had. She probably thought that he would never find out. She has blown a big opportunity to live a much better life. But I doubt that she truly loved this man. She should have spoken the truth. I also remember how kind he was to you, because you told me about his generosity.

I am wondering whether this man could not have considered forgiving his wife. I am sure she has begged him to forgive her. Is it because you are in the way why he would not give his wife another chance? I am only asking.


Your friend says that she would not be against you if you were to accept this man's proposal. I know some people would say that you should say no to this man, although you were not a part of her conspiracy. I hope that you would think long and hard about this proposal. To tell you not to accept this proposal is to give the impression that I believe that you would be letting down your friend. The truth is, she has let herself down.

If you know that you are guilty of doing anything that has caused this man to turn from his wife, then you should take away yourself, so to speak. But if you know you love him and your conscience is clear, you may take the plunge, but be prepared to be criticised for a long time to come from people who know this woman and that both of you are good friends.


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