My man doesn’t want to marry his other girlfriend

July 05, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I have been with my partner for almost four years, and he has been with his long-time girlfriend for almost 20 years.

They have three children and live together. Even though he is with this woman, we have a decent relationship.

We go on dates, he sleeps over, we go on vacation together, hang out with friends, all the stuff you would do regularly.

He assisted me with building my house, which was completed last year. he taught me how to drive, and I recently bought my car with cash.

I have been faithful to him, and, to be honest, I don't need another guy as he is doing everything that a partner should, and I'm not in need of anything.

I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and he has been a good role model to her as well.

About a month ago, he came over to my place to spend, the weekend. He was helping me prepare dinner when he told me that he was planning to marry his long-time girlfriend.

I told him that I was happy for him because it had been almost 20 years. I then added that once he married, he should understand that the relationship between us could not continue.

He got upset and asked, " what was the sense for that. It would still be the three of us. So what's the difference?"

I then explained that he was going to get married. He is the one who was going in front of God in a church and vow to love and be faithful to her.

I don't want to be the reason why he's unfaithful to his wife. He got furious and said, "I don't see why I should sacrifice my happiness because she wants to get married."

So I added, "If you're not happy with her, then why are you marrying her?" He didn't answer. He just stormed out and left.

Three weeks after, (the longest we have gone without communicating with each other), he showed up at my place.


I was on the verandah when he parked the car and ran out and hugged me and fell to his knees, saying he didn't want to lose me "so if you don't want me to marry her, I won't".

I said " that was not my intention. I am happy for you. If you want to marry her, I am not telling you to choose between me and her. I'm just telling you that if you go before God and take that vow, you need to stop doing all this stuff that you're doing with me." He started crying.

Pastor, I have never seen this man cry before, so I started to feel bad and was trying to comfort him. Then he asked "So what should I do because I don't know what to do."

I didn't answer as I was still shocked by how he got so emotional. To be honest, I love him, but I respect him a lot, too, so I am okay with the decision of him marrying his girlfriend if that makes him happy, but it's like he's not going to be happy if I'm not there.

I need to know. Was I wrong with the decision? And do persons really stay in relationships and even get married when they are not happy with the person? Please give me your best advice.


Dear S.S.,

It would help you if you were to tell the truth. You know that you really do not want to lose this man. You do not want him to get married to the woman with whom he has been living for nearly 20 years. You would want him to marry you. You are a great pretender.

And even if this man should get married to his long-time girlfriend, you are not going to leave him. You are putting on a show, and you know it is the best you can do.

So stop trying to be smart. This man knows that he cannot afford not to marry the woman with whom he has been living.

So make up your mind. You are saying that you don't want to share this man. I repeat, the only reason why you are telling him about his vows is because you want him to leave the other woman and marry you.

He is not going to do so. So make up your mind about what you are going to do.


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