My man is 29 years older than me

August 13, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a daily reader of your column. I am really confused. I am 22 years old. I got pregnant when I was 16 years old. I have been with my babyfather for more than five years now. He cheats on me a lot, and we fight a lot. Other than that, he takes care of the baby and me. I used to be in love with him, but I don't love him anymore. His ways pushed me away from him. I even got into fights with other girls for him.

I saw underwear in his house that don't belong to me. However, I broke off the relationship with him. He would say some crazy things, but I don't pay him any mind.

I'm now dating a man who is 29 years older than me. I love him. He satisfies me sexually. He shows me love, but he doesn't give me money more than the ordinary; but he buys me whatever I want to eat, along with other things. He says that I'm going to be okay. He also said that I just need to have a little patience. He has a babymother overseas. He said that he is not in love with her, it's just that she is doing something for him. I don't believe him.

At times, he makes me think twice whenever he is on the phone with her. The way he talks to her makes me get upset, because it seems to me that he still loves her. I'm confused and frustrated. What should I do, Pastor? Please give me your advice.


Dear S.J.,

You said that you love this much older man and that he is a good man. He has a woman with whom he is having a relationship. She is his child's mother. He told you that the reason why he is in this relationship is because she is doing something for him. What is this something she is doing? Is she planning to marry him so that he can get a permanent visa to live in the US? You have a right to know. You are suspicious of their relationship.

You have to be careful that he does not make a fool of you. You say he does not give you much money. Do you know what he is doing with his money? You should question him about that. I hope that you are not having unprotected sex with this man. If you are, he may get you pregnant, and then he may leave you and go to America, so watch out. Be very careful.

It is very difficult sometimes for a woman to know what a man would do, so she has to be a step ahead of him. In other words, she should not totally rely on him. She should try to get an education and try to carve out a future for herself. So, if she doesn't get married, she wouldn't be totally in the cold.


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