Regret having an abortion
I am a regular reader of your daily column. I always try to ensure that I get to read what persons send to you and your response.
I enjoy them all. I am a 20-year-old university student. I live with my mom, but my boyfriend stays with us during the week and goes home on some weekends.
Before I started working, I became pregnant and had an abortion because I wanted to attend upper-sixth form, plus I had a summer job to start, which is now my current job.
My boyfriend knew about the abortion, and so did my mom. She was disappointed in me for getting pregnant, and for the first time I saw that in her.
So I became ashamed and did the abortion. Ever since that time my boyfriend and I regretted ever doing it, and now he really wants to get me pregnant.
At times, I think I'm ready and another time I don't want to; my mind is all jumbled.
He has done many things in the past that make me consider my options in having a child. At times I get lonely and as such, I think that if I had a child to care for I would feel different.
Pastor, please, I am seeking your advice. I don't want to mention it to my mother because we don't necessarily have that mother-daughter bond, and I don't wish to talk with my friends because, in my opinion, everything I may mention would be told to someone else. I am eagerly awaiting your response.
I will write to you again, confessing things that I have done and why I think my mind is all jumbled.
I am glad that you are a student in university and I pray that the good Lord will help you and that your goals would be realised.
I want you to know that although what you did torments you from time to time, it is in the past and you cannot bring back your pregnancy.
Sometimes a person may do something and he or she may feel that it's the correct thing to do, but later on come to realise that he or she made a mistake. That mistake cannot be changed.
You believe that you would feel much better if you were to get pregnant again very soon. Well, I can tell you that you will never replace the baby that was aborted.
Even if you were to get pregnant again, it would not take the place of your first pregnancy. You feel lonely at times you say, but a child cannot take the place of a lover. No way.
Therefore, I want you to understand that the thing that you ought to do is to finish your courses at university and then consider what you and this man should do.
If while you are studying you see that this is not the right man for you, you may end the relationship with him.
Mark you, I am not saying he is not the man for you; I am trying to tell you not to be in a hurry to tie the knot. Feel free to write to me again and let me know how you are doing.
In the meantime, pray and read your Bible every day and ask God to give you peace of mind.