Mama’s boy doesn’t want to get married

October 10, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is also 25. I am living alone, but my boyfriend spends weekends with me.

I have two children for another man. We are not together because he was very cruel and was not afraid to beat me up whenever we had a disagreement.

I left him after both of us went shopping and I ran into an old schoolmate,who hugged me and kissed me on my jaw. I was so glad to see him.

I did not know that my children's father had seen me. When I realised that he had seen me, I called him over to where I was and introduced the guy. He said 'good to know you' and walked away. When we were in the car on our way home, he told me that I didn't have any respect for him and he was going to "buss my ass".

I asked him why, and he said for introducing him to one of my men. I was so shocked; I told him that he was crazy.

He dropped me off and did not come back until late. He made sure the children were sleeping. He tried to have sex with me, and I told him no.

He started to punch me in my stomach and tear off my underwear. I started to cry, and he tried to push a rag into my mouth. He told me that the relationship was over.

I told him that we should call somebody to meet with us, and he said he was not interested in going to see a counsellor because the counsellor may have sex with me, too.

My sister had room, so I moved into her home with my two children. I have never been back with him. He has told me many times that he has changed, but I don't trust him. He has been supporting his children.

CURRENT BOYFRIEND

My present boyfriend does not have any children. He is still living with his mother. Whenever I try to discuss marriage with him, he says that he has never felt that he should get married. His mother still does everything for him. He is an only child. He said that he does not know his father. I treat him very well, and he loves my children.

I am tired of only having him on weekends, but he enjoys the life he is living. I don't want to leave him because he is a good man and is very helpful to me.

Please, give me your advice.

R.N.

Dear R.N.,

Your present boyfriend has told you that he enjoys living at his mother's house and spending weekends with you. He is not ready to get married.

Perhaps one day he will get married, but he is not going to be pushed into doing what he does not want to do. You know that you love him and that he loves you.

You know also that he is a good man and that he assists you financially. However, if you would like to get married, you could ask him if he would be willing to permit you to date other men because you are getting older and you would like to get married.

If he would be willing to have you do so, then that would tell you that the love he has for you is not as strong as you believe.

Because if both of you have been sleeping together every week, he would not want you to go and date other men because he would know that would be the end of the relationship.

If you have a good relationship with his mother, you can suggest to her that you love her son very much and would like him to commit to you and for both of you to get married.

You should tell her that you would love for her to discuss it with him. But make sure that you tell her that you are not rushing him, but you just want to set good examples for your children by getting married. I wish you well.

Pastor

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