Is it okay to marry my dead wife’s best friend?

October 14, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old. My wife died two years ago. We didn't have children together, but I had two and she had one before we met. She had her child in her 20s. She was 45 years old when she died. I always liked an older woman. My wife did not look her age. Since my wife has died, I have tried to keep away from getting involved, but I have been going to church. I am very active there. Girls are around me and are very nice to me.

The house that I am living in was bought by my wife and I. My children are living with me. My problem is that there is a woman I like, but she is 50 years old. She is a teacher. She says she loves me, but she was a good friend of my wife and she was always at the house. When my wife became ill she helped her, and even spent some time with us at the house. People in the church knew that.

Now, she is concerned about what they would say. She feels that they would think that something was going on between herself and me. We had nothing sexual when my wife was alive.


I like this woman. And apart from her jealousy, I could see that she would make me a good wife. The pastor of the church is a young man in his 20s. So, I will not discuss certain things with him. That is why I am writing to you for your advice. We believe that if we were to get married, she wouldn't have to hide to come to my house as she is doing now.

I have a good job. I only have the mortgage to pay on the house. She has a car and I have a car. Do you believe that it would be alright, and that it would be in good taste to marry this woman who was very close to my wife? What would the church people say?


Dear H.R.,

What is important is not what the church people say. Your happiness is what counts. Your wife has died. She is not coming back. Yes, if you believe in the resurrection of the dead, she would rise at the resurrection, but by that time you will not be able to marry her. You are now i n love with her friend, and both of you are attending the same church.

Some of the young women in the church love you, but you are not interested in them. You always like older women. So, this older woman is available. Marry her and do that as early as possible.

If you were to marry her, she wouldn't have to be hiding and trying to see you late at nights. She will always be there with you. This is a very easy thing to handle. Inform the young pastor that this lady and you are in love and very soon you would like to get married. You don't have to explain much to him. Just tell him that the date has been fixed.

Even if people in the church may whisper that this woman and your deceased wife were friends, and perhaps you were with this woman while your wife was alive, don't allow what they say to bother you. They will only talk for a while. That would not hurt you in any way. I wish you well.


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