My boyfriend says he won’t stop cheating

November 11, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am having a problem. I have been living with my boyfriend for over a year. We met at a party seven months before we started living together. I was just breaking up with my previous boyfriend and I wasn't getting along well with my sister. She had given me notice to leave because I complained to her about her boyfriend. Several times he made passes at me.

One day, she wasn't at home and he slapped me on my bottom and when I turned around, I told him that I didn't like that. He told me that he knew that I like him, but I am only pretending. I asked him where he got that from and he said look at the way I was dressed. My sister was not there, he said, and yet I was dressed in shorts and not wearing any bra, so I must be dressed to attract him.

I moved away and went into my room and he was following me. I told him that he ought not to follow me. I put on a bra and changed and put on a pair of jeans.

I left the house because I did not want to stay there alone with him. I called my sister but didn't get her, so I sent her a text. I told her when I get home I will talk to her. When I went home, I told my sister, and to my surprise, she didn't give me any satisfactory answer.

She blamed me and told me that I should be more careful with him around because he is a man.

She asked him about it and he denied everything. He told her that I have tried to throw myself on him. And even the way I sit, I am inviting him to have something to do with him. We argued, and then she told me to leave her place.

From place to place

So I went and stayed from place to place with different friends, and then I met this guy at the party and I went to live with him.

I like this guy very much. I am trying to give the relationship my all, but he is too much for me.

In my short years of having boyfriends, I have never met anyone so honest. He would go out and come back and tell me he had sex with a girl. The first time I thought it was a joke and that he was lying, but I realised that it was true. He says he is not going to stop sleeping with other girls.

I want to leave this guy because I told him that because he is that type of guy, he should use condom when he is having sex with me, but he doesn't want to use it.

I don't want to get pregnant, but it is not just pregnancy I am afraid of. I am afraid of HIV/AID.

Pastor, I don't know what to do, so please, give me your advice.


Dear G.B.,

I hope that your sister and you would resolve your problems and be reconciled. Siblings should never allow anyone, any boyfriend or girlfriend, to come between them. Siblings at large should always try to live in peace. It was wrong for your sister to doubt what you told her. She should have believed you.

She should have rebuked her boyfriend and not blame you. What she did was to call you a liar and accuse you of trying to take away her man, and she was wrong to do so.

Even if she believed that you were being a little careless, she could have spoken to you privately about that, but not to rebuke you or blame you for being careless in the way you dress.

One of these days your sister may need you. She should not have thrown you out. She could have given you time to leave, and that would have prevented you from bouncing from place to place. If you didn't have to leave your sister's place, you wouldn't have to rush into a relationship with this guy who has given you shelter and who does not believe in using the condom when having sex with you. You know from his behaviour that he really doesn't care. He is very promiscuous. He will have sex with anybody and everybody who is willing to have sex with him. He should know that by doing so, he is exposing himself to STIs, including HIV/AIDS.

It is unbelievable that in these days men will still behave in that way.

I know you love this man, but you will have to love yourself more. So, hear me now, leave that man; and leave him right away. I could hear you saying, Pastor, you don't understand, I don't have anywhere to go. If your parents are in rural Jamaica, and they can accommodate you, go home, even if you have to sleep on the floor, do so. Or find people who love you and who will put you up.

You did not say whether you are attending school or working. You can get yourself a job; even if it is a live-in job, take it. But, get out of this man's house. He doesn't love you enough to protect you. You are playing with fire at the moment.


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