Too stupid to live
I have been bullied almost every single day of my life. It is depressing. It started in primary school.
When I went to high school it just got worse. I managed to survive and went to college, but I still got bullied.
I have never been able to fit in and I have never had a real friend. I was always regarded as a fool and an idiot. For as long as I can remember that has been my life.
I am a nursing student, now doing my third year, but I probably will repeat a year. I failed some subjects because I found it so hard to focus and concentrate on my schoolwork.
I have problems at home as well. I just can't seem to do anything right.
I also have problems with relationships. I am 20 and I had my first boyfriend about one week before my 20th birthday.
It only lasted for about four months. I realised that this individual only wanted one thing from me; or maybe I was overthinking.
I lost my virginity to this person after about two weeks of knowing him. I probably should not have done that.
This person has never taken me out on a date. Someone I knew and one of his ex-girlfriends both warned me about him, but like the idiot they always say I am, I still went ahead and pursued it anyway.
I almost forgot he had a young baby, which also should have given me an idea that this guy was up to no good.
He only texted me when he wanted sex. After about one or two months, I told him that I was done. We stopped talking for a while.
A week later I met another guy, and like an idiot, I had sex with him before I even knew him; but this time I used a condom.
Three weeks into it, his girlfriend called me. Silly me went back to the first guy, and we carried on for about one month.
One week after I broke up with the first guy again, I met another guy. He was nice, but a week into the relationship he told me that he was married, but trying to get a divorce.
Apart from that, he would say some things to me and they really creeped me out. So I left, and stupidly went back to the first guy. This time he changed a little.
He told me he was going away and he was going to marry me and take me with him. I told him that he couldn't use that to catch me.
But anyway, he kept telling me to wait and that he would take care of me. I went to his house once and saw a picture of him and his babymother kissing.
Right there I actually realised he was just using me. I decided not to have anything to do with him anymore.
I then met this guy I knew from high school. But the first guy reached out again and we have been talking. He seems to change, or he could be pretending.
I am still talking to the guy I knew from high school, and I am also back in contact with the guy who I thinks is a ritualist.
I want to end the relationship with all of them, but I am afraid to be alone. I will be looking out for your reply, thank you.
It is unfortunate that you have made a mess of your love life. You were very careful about intimacy with men until age 20, and then you let down your guard.
You have been going downhill ever since. You have not seen yourself as someone who is smart and that is a big mistake.
Some of the most brilliant people in the world have made terrible mistakes in relationship.
You probably grew up sheltered and you did not have the type of guidance that you should have had, especially in your teens.
You should have met with a psychologist and gone through therapy.
I believe that you can do well and overcome your problems. You should learn to associate with people who would not condemn you.
Get involved in youth groups in the community and in church. Stand up before your mirror and admire yourself, and thank God for making you the way you are because you are beautiful.
Learn to say no to men who try to take advantage of you.
Make an appointment to see a psychologist. Don't be afraid of the future. If you want further help from me, you may contact me at 876 877-1009 or 876 929-1667.
I will be praying for you.