My boyfriend is still sleeping with his babymother

November 18, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I am in love with my boyfriend. He is 24. I fell in love with him when I was 15. I am a Christian, but he is not.

He has a good job, so he buys me anything I ask him for.

My parents are poor and my father is sickly, so he can't give me everything that I want.

This guy lives alone. He introduced me to his landlord. One weekend, I decided to go and stay with him.

My father said good girls don't go and spend weekends with guys if they don't know whether the guys would marry them. I still went.

He took me to the movies and I was with him all day Saturday. He woke up Saturday morning and made breakfast.

I was surprised that he wanted us to have unprotected sex for the second time. The night before, he did not have any condom, but I agreed to have sex with him because he said he would pull out, and he did.

When I told him no more sex without the condom, he went to buy some. But while he was gone, the landlord knocked and told me that his babymother was outside with his baby.

She said that I should get dressed so that she would not suspect that I slept with him. I told his landlord that I was not hiding.

When he came back and saw her, they had an argument. Things got hot between them and he hit her, and the landlord intervened and told her to leave.

My boyfriend gave the landlord money to give to her and she went away.

I am disappointed in him because he should have told me that he had a child and babymother.

Pastor, here is my problem. I am three months pregnant for this guy and it is from that one time we had unprotected sex. He did not discharge in me.

Don't know what to do

I am telling him that apart from him, I have not had sex for a long time and he is questioning whether the child is his. I don't know what to do.

I feel like hating him for not trusting me and for believing that I had sex with another man.

He bought me a phone and every time he calls, he asks me about my boyfriend. At the same time, he wants me to come and see him and if I say no, he would find himself at my house.

When the baby is born, he says we will do a DNA test.

I was with him one Sunday and his phone rang and it was his babymother; the way they were talking, I knew that they still have something going.

I asked him if they had made up and he said "some sort of a way, because of the child". He also admitted that he had sex with her a couple of times just to keep her quiet.

What do you think I should do? He said we should plan to get married next year.


Dear G.A.,

I am very sorry to know that you are pregnant. This guy moved into your life, lied to you, and you didn't have any reason to doubt him. You made a couple of mistakes.

You wanted to go and stay with him. You trusted him so much that you had unprotected sex with him.

Many couples practise the withdrawal method, but that is not a safe method, because it is very difficult for a man to accurately control the time of his ejaculation.

Statistics have shown that if a thousand couples use this method, only about 20 per cent experience success, because sperm seep through the man's penis during sex before the actual ejaculation, and a woman can become pregnant.

This man should be told that he should stand up and accept his responsibility. Nevertheless, since he is denying that he got you pregnant, the DNA test will prove that he is the father.

He should have told you that he had a babymother, but please don't get into any argument with her. However, he has admitted that he is still having sex with her, so you should not put your confidence in this man.

I suggest that you don't hide anything from your loving father. Tell him everything and follow his suggestions.

But if this man is continuing to have a sexual relationship with his babymother, don't consent to marry him.


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