Boyfriend pressuring me to get pregnant

December 05, 2019
Sad woman
Sad woman

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and this is the second time I am writing to you. Three years ago, I wrote to you and told you about my boyfriend. At that time, I was not sexually active, but now I am.

I love my boyfriend so much. He is a good man. There isn't anything that I want which he doesn't give to me. If I want something and he can't give me right away, he tells me when he will be able to do so.

My boyfriend is seven and a half years older than I am. My mother thinks he is too old for me, but she likes him. And he gets along with my father. My father likes sports and my boyfriend likes it, too, but they argue over players.

My boyfriend wants us to have a child, but I am not ready. I have one sister who is older. She is married, but her husband and herself do not have children. They have been married for three years without children. My boyfriend says that he doesn't know if I can get pregnant so we should stop using the condom, and if I get pregnant, we could get married before the pregnancy begins to show.

I am nervous about that. I always tell myself that I don't want to get pregnant before I am married.

We have just paid down on a house. My mother has not seen the house, but my father has. It is a three-bedroom house. My boyfriend said one of the rooms is for our son, we would occupy one and the other we would keep for visiting relatives or friends.

What is bothering me is that I am a Christian and I would not want to get pregnant and then my folks at church may know and condemn me.


When the girls at church become pregnant, and they are not married, they stay away from church, and they are not allowed to participate in anything that is going on at the church. When I said that to my boyfriend, he said if that should happen to us, we still would have each other.

My boyfriend is thinking about going to seminary. He wants to be a pastor and have his own church in addition to what he is doing now. At present, he is a teacher. I told him I will write to you and hear what you would say.


Dear M.T.,

Let us look at this thing together. This man and you are in love; there is no question about that. The big problem that you are having is that he is a little older than you, but truthfully, that should not be an issue. He is just about seven years older than you. That is no big thing. He is anxious to get you pregnant because he is concerned that both of you might get married and you are unable to conceive.

Your older sister has been married for three years and she has not yet conceived. So he might be wondering whether you might suffer the same fate. He shouldn't be thinking that way, but I suppose that's how men think. They want to know that their wives can have children. Of course, you can counter that by saying to him that he is running ahead of God and if it is God's will for you to have children, he would enable you to have them. Of course, I am cognisant of the fact that I am speaking theologically and encouraging you to live in hope.


You have a big decision to make. If you have unprotected sex with this man, you may or may not get pregnant. But the likelihood is that you may get pregnant, and his plan is if that happens, both of you should get married soon after. But suppose you can't get pregnant, you may find yourself just having sex with this man for a long time. And then he may walk away and say nothing is happening, so he will try another woman.

Men have done exactly that very often. Some men have married women and the women couldn't conceive, and the men may go out and have affairs. The women with whom they had affairs got pregnant and some wives, reluctantly, have taken the children and forgave the men for having the affairs. I hope you understand that I am not saying that that will happen to you.

Perhaps what your husband and you should do is, both of you go and see a doctor. And have the doctor assure your husband that you are in good health and that nothing should prevent you from becoming pregnant.


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