Worried about my little sister

December 05, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am working. I have a sister who is 16 years old.

I took her to live with me because my mother couldn't manage her, and my father said if she stayed in the house, he would get himself into trouble because she has a way of talking back to him. So, I took her and got her in a school in Kingston.

She is doing well. She doesn't joke with me because she knows the type of person I am. I have a boyfriend, but since she is here with me, my boyfriend doesn't sleep here at all. He comes and goes. He is living with his parents.

He wants to save some money, that is why he has not moved out of his parents' home. He could have rented an apartment because he has a good job and can pay rent, but both of us agreed that that rent money would be saved and would go towards our wedding.

We are planning to get married in two years' time. I warned my boyfriend about my sister. So he is never alone with her. And because of her living with me, he calls whenever he is coming to see me. And if we want to have sex, we go elsewhere.

The issue that I am having with my young sister is that she looks older than her age. She has a good shape, lovely hips, etc, and if I may say so myself, she is much more attractive than I am.

The guys are always calling her. I told her that when they say hi, she should respond by saying hi but don't stop to talk to them.

There is a guy whose mother lives in the complex. He doesn't live there. But since my sister lives with me, he uses his mother as an excuse to come around.

I warned my sister about him and she told me thanks. A few days ago, she told me that this guy has invited her out.

I told her no way would I allow that. She went and told him what I said and he came to me about it. I told him that my sister will not go anywhere with him, and so he started to curse. He even told my sister that he is going to 'set for me'. I don't know what that means.

I thought the argument was finished, but my sister arranged to meet with him one evening after class. I saw the text message on her phone. I confronted her and told her that I was going to send her back to the country. She said she would behave because she doesn't want to go back to the country.

TWO CHILDREN

This guy has two children with two different women. That is what the people in the complex told me. If my sister does not behave herself, I will pack her bag and my boyfriend and I will take her back to mommy.

I don't know what she has seen in this boy. I am just afraid that he may get her pregnant if she does not end the relationship with him.

Pastor, tell me if I am wrong.

R.L.

Dear R.L.,

You have a right to watch over your sister. She is young and naive. You say that she is a very attractive young woman. So, you know that boys would admire her and would be happy to have an intimate relationship with her.

She is tickled to know that this guy, whose mother is living close to you, likes her and wants to be with her.

She should be glad that you are around to give her guidance. Perhaps she has friends who have their boyfriends and they go out with their boyfriends from time to time. But she should be told that she cannot accept dates from all the men who would see her and like her and invite her out, because some of these guys do not have good intentions.

Let her know that you have her best interest at heart. She is in school; she should concentrate on her lessons and on having a career. So while she might be angry with you, let her know that what you have told her is for her own good; and I would suggest that you find a family counsellor who would spend some time with her. She needs to understand that if she snoops around with this guy, she is likely to get into trouble.

GOOD EXAMPLE

I want to commend you for setting a good example for her. You have your boyfriend, but since your sister is there, you do not allow your boyfriend to sleep with you. She cannot, therefore, say that she should be allowed to sleep with a man because you are doing it.

Your boyfriend is wise. He is still living at home with his parents and saving the money that could be used to pay rent. Some young women think that something is wrong with a young man to live at home with parents.

They want all young men to get out and be on their own. Your guy is saving a lot by living with his parents. The time will come when he will get married to you and move out.

I wish both of you well, and I wish your sister well. Be firm with her, but remember, she is still young and she needs guidance. Take good care of yourself.

Pastor

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