Girlfriend’s sex history makes me sad

December 12, 2019

Dear Pastor

I am 51 and I am a widower. I have three children with my late wife and one girl with another woman before I got married.

My wife died from cancer and that broke me down because I spent plenty money on her. I am a Christian man.

Recently, I met another woman and I became fond of her. I would like to marry her, but after talking to her, I am wondering if I would be making a very big mistake.

She is 40 years old. She does not have children, but by questioning her, I found out some things I didn't like.

She confessed to me that she has had sexual intercourse with 15 different men and she is still friendly with some of these men, but she doesn't go to bed with them.

I am concerned that some of these men would laugh at me if they were to see me with this woman. Since she told me that it was 15 of them, I haven't taken her out during the day.

I have taken her to see plays, but I have been really uneasy with her since she told me the kind of life she used to live.

She said she is finished with that type of life now because she has become a Christian. I don't know what to do, so I am asking you for your advice.

I have never had sex with her. Please, answer me and tell me how you see the situation.


Dear A.M.,

I understand your concerns, but I would say to you that if you love this woman, you should marry her. Even if she had gone to bed with 100 or more men, that is in the past.

You are not looking for a virgin, you are seeking a wife, and her past is her past. She would from time to time remember her past. She will never be able to erase everything that she did.

But, the songwriter says, " It is a great change since I have been born, the things I used to do, I do them no more."

So, this woman has made a great change. She is now serving the Lord and she is now with you and you are with her. I say to you, marry her.

The men who see you with her might not be laughing at you; that is in your mind. Treat her well.

Remember, she did not have to tell you that she went to bed with 15 men. She tried to be honest about her past to you, but she didn't have to do so. Don't hold that against her.


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