I want to marry my ‘stepdaughter’

January 09, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I have a problem and to me, it is a big one. I am 61 years old and I was living with a woman, but she died.

She had a daughter who never lived with us. But this young woman and I always loved each other.

We didn't have an affair or anything like that, but she told me that she always had a special likeness for me and I would say that I always loved her.

Understand me, Pastor, we never went to bed. When her mother became ill, she used to come around and help her mother. She slept over many times. I didn't go near to her.

She has two children for two different men, but she is not having any sexual relationship with them. Since her mother died, she and I have become very close.

We have been talking about our relationship. I don't know who to trust to talk about this problem. But, my love for her is very strong. I am helping her with the children. They call me Grandpa.

I don't have a woman in my life. Since her mother died, I have tried not to get involved with any woman, and this woman is part of the reason why.

I have two brothers and one sister, but they are living in the US. I am afraid to even tell them how I feel about this young woman.

I would like to marry her, and that is the reason why I am writing to you.

There are some people who know that she is the daughter of the woman I was living with. I can't call her my wife because we were never married.

Do you think it is wrong to marry this young woman? Please, tell me how you feel. I will be looking for my letter in THE STAR.

D.L

Dear D.L,

Although you were not married to the woman with whom you lived, she was your common-law wife. And if you lived together over more than five years, which I assume you did, she would be considered your wife under the law.

WRONG

I consider that it would be wrong for you to marry her daughter or to have any sexual romance with her.

Perhaps she would be eager to marry you because of what she could get out of the relationship.

But, I believe that you can be a real man and help her financially, and also help her children without having a sexual relationship with her.

Regardless of what you say, people are going to condemn both of you, or be highly critical of both of you and they are likely to say that you and this woman were having sexual intercourse while her mother was alive.

So, sir, look elsewhere. Turn away from this young woman. If you sincerely search for a woman, you will find one. You do not have to have an intimate relationship with this woman I would call your stepdaughter.

Pastor

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