Think my man got me pregnant on purpose

January 10, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I am pregnant for my boyfriend. We have been together for four years and this is our first child. This was a mistake.

We always used the condom, but it broke and we did not realise that until we were finished having sex.

We were spending the weekend at his mother's house. We talked about the morning-after-pill, but then we didn't bother about that.

Now I am pregnant and I suggested to my boyfriend that we should get married because I am a schoolteacher and I don't want to go to school with this stomach, and my co-workers know that I am not married.

Pastor, I have begged this man to marry me, but he says he is not ready to be married. Yet he wants me to carry the child. He is so stubborn.

I asked him if he has another woman and if he has promised to marry her. He says that there is no other woman in his life. Why can't he marry me?

He did not tell his parents that he got me pregnant. I called his mother and told her and he is furious over what I did.

After talking to her, she spoke to him. He said we should work out our problem by ourselves and don't involve his parents.

I reminded him that it was in his parents' house that he got me pregnant.

I am beginning to wonder if he punched a hole in the condom and it did not break on its own.

This crazy thought has come to my mind because I applied for a scholarship abroad and he was not in favour of that. So, to keep me in Jamaica, he might have rigged the condom.

Every night I cry on his shoulders and in his arms, and all he says is that I am a big woman and I should stop the crying. He also says that when he is ready, he will marry me.

This man is six years older than I am and he is in a good job with the Government. He doesn't have to support me because I am working.

He is trying to buy a house and I could help him pay the mortgage. Pastor, what do you suggest that I do?

K.J.

Dear K.J.,

Stop trying to force this man to marry you. He says he is not ready. You have been with him and he should explain to you why he doesn't want to get married now.

If you push hard on him, this relationship will end. You are now accusing him of wilfully getting you pregnant.

He doesn't care how you feel. He sees nothing wrong in having you go to work in your pregnant condition despite not being married.

You believe that you are setting a bad example to the female students you have to teach. But fussing with this man would not change him.

So, carry your pregnancy, have your baby and you may decide what you are going to do with your life. Don't allow the child to hinder you from doing your postgrad work.

If this man tricked you and caused you to become pregnant, you would never be comfortable with him in the future.

But because you do not know that to be a fact, you should not accuse him of doing so.

I wish you well and I hope that very soon this man will agree to marry you. Perhaps he is waiting until you have given birth before he makes up his mind.

Pastor

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