‘Friend with benefits’ getting too clingy

February 11, 2020

Dear Pastor,

Why are men so confusing? I am in a 'friend with benefits' situation. I say friends with benefits, but he calls it "dating." We are adults. We laid our cards on the table initially.

We are not interested in commitment. We both confessed that we wouldn't mind being in a relationship with one another; however, we've both been through enough nonsense in our past lives that a relationship is not up for discussion currently.

Pastor, I cannot take stress. Whenever he pushes my buttons and I tell him I am moving on from him, he'll call me immediately in attempts to find a solution for the argument.

This is the same man who said, "If you want to go, all the best"; and then when I get upset and say, "I cannot do this anymore", he wants to sort the issue out.

Aside from sex, we converse regularly, almost every day. Sometimes he'll 'jokingly' ask if I'm dating or dealing with any other man and I always tell him the truth, which is no.

He asked me a question that I'll never forget which was "What would you do if you were pregnant by me?" I answered honestly and said "I would have an abortion. We're not ready for a child."

He then instructed me that I shouldn't "vow" that I wouldn't have his child or children because "life is uncertain". He also told me that if any woman was going to have his child, it would be me.

Pastor, I don't know what kind of games he's playing, but I'm not interested. He even went as far as telling me that he would marry me later in life.

How can one discuss marriage and children and we're not in a relationship? We're just dating.


Dear C.H.,

You said that this man and you are in a relationship with benefits. Generally, such relationships include sex and different types of support.

It would be better if you had said both of you were just fooling around. He is not interested in committing himself to you, and you are not interested in committing yourself to him.

So both of you are guilty of puppy love, and you would regret doing so when you are older.

You say you are not interested in this man, but one thing that is evident is that while you say that, it is not difficult for this man to get under your skirt.

This man will continue to have 'fun' with you while you think that you are hard to get.


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