Best friend ditched me for no reason

March 24, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 23, and I had a very close friend. We were friends from seventh grade until about two years ago.

She used to be my best friend, but now we pass each other on the streets like we barely know each other.

We had a close friendship. We shared almost everything. I would sleep over at her house sometimes. We would go almost everywhere together as long as we had the time.

All of her close relatives knew me, and my close relatives knew her. People would always ask us if we were twins.

She does hair and make-up well, and I would always encourage her to do much more and try to make money out of it.

She used to comb my hair occasionally, and since I started working, I would always pay her. If I didn't have the money to give her immediately, I would give it to her grandmother and tell her to collect it from her.

The distance between us started about two years ago when her brother was in jail and her mother took care of the house and children.

I always comforted her and always asked questions to follow up on her brother's case. Her mother got sick, and she had to share the responsibilities by visiting her brother in jail and carrying the necessary things he needed.

I knew it could be stressful for her, so I gave her time, but she never reached out to me or replied to my texts or answered my calls, so I eventually stopped.

In my teenage years, I realised that I didn't get along with the girls at school or in my community. Often, they were mean to me and tried to bully me, so I tried to keep my distance from them.

more comfortable around boys

Whenever the boys talked to me, I would feel much more comfortable around them. Often, my mother would see me around them and curse me and say, "You love men too much".

I would feel offended at times and cried, but I knew it was nothing more than friendship. Even at work now, the girls love to gossip and make trouble, especially when there are many of them.

So I stay far from them, and I am closer to the men at work.

I have another female friend. She once had a friend with whom she shared a similarly close friendship. When I saw their friendship fading, I asked her what had happened.

Her reply to me was, "It seems I'm not in her lane because I can't do the things she wanted to do, for example, piercing navel and going to party."

My friend was in her second year in teacher's college, and I was just working a regular minimum- wage job. Sometimes I wonder if it was because I was not in her lane why she stopped talking to me.

I now have a male friend who is now my best friend. I've also known him since high school. People who saw us together regularly would say that we were lovers, but he has never turned his back on me.

My male friend works in the country, and he comes home like every two weeks just for the weekend.

Sometimes we don't see each other, and sometimes we video call, but it doesn't matter how busy he is, he never turned his back on me or ignored my texts or calls.

I know that as persons get older they have more responsibilities and less time for people. Sometimes I wonder if I had done something wrong why this girl just stopped talking to me just like that.

There are times I wonder if I should ask her, but I don't. Do you think I should ever ask her?


Dear Writer,

Sometimes people outgrow each other. That is true in intimate relationships and also social relationships. You love to have close friends, but some people don't care for that.

I don't believe that anything is wrong with you. You should stop blaming yourself or wondering why people don't treat you the way you believe you should be treated. You are okay. Accept those who would accept you, and ignore those who do not wish to have you as their friend.


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