Girlfriend says her side man is better in bed

May 20, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I have been reading your column. I would love your insight on a situation. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost two years. I love her very much.

I met her at work and we hit it off very nicely. She went to work elsewhere, but we were already very much involved with each other so that did not pose an issue. She is five years younger than I, but I am far more experienced than her.

Her father was very strict, while my parents believed that boys will be boys. She used to come and see me after work. I had a few concerns, such as having a high libido.

She used to say that I am a sex addict if I wanted sex more than twice per week. The sex with her was always good and she told me she was well pleased.

At one time, her father became suspicious of her having a boyfriend, which was apparently against his wishes. He locked her out of the house one evening. She has since been living with me.

After about four months of living with me, I noticed that things had changed and we were having sex once per month. She said she was not enjoying sex. I tried to be patient.

She was unwelcoming to my sexual advances. I noticed a battered spot on her arm and I asked her about it, and she said a friend hit her with a water bottle.

I did not believe her but I pretended that I did. She started to come home from work late and was complaining of pain in her belly.

Much against my personal principles, I searched her phone and found out that she was seeing a guy from her workplace. The mark on her arm was caused by the guy biting her and she told him that she liked rough sex.

I confronted her about it one evening and she confessed. Since then, my views on her have changed. I saw the effort she made to lie to me and she made time to see him when I was playing football after work in the evenings.

I saw pictures of her and me on her phone and I wondered how she could have been seeing another guy during that period. She would not have sex with me, but she would freely have sex with him.

She confessed everything to me. The same guy started to work where I work, so when I am at work, I see him, and when I go home, I see her.

In spite of the problem, I still wanted my relationship with her. I did not want another greedy man to get my woman.

I have cheated on women in the past myself, so I would be a hypocrite to kick her out of my parents' house for cheating on me. We have many plans to move out of my parents' home.

I have totally decided to give her a second chance. I will not make those demons destroy us. People are not perfect and sometimes it is good to forgive.


Dear J.W.,

You have not told me the whole truth. I wish this girl would write to me and tell me her side of the story.

I am yet to meet a man who would simply say to a woman, "Although you have cheated and the guy you have cheated with is doing that thing better than I, I am going to forgive you and we can stay together."

If a man has taken that position, he is unable to function. So, here is what I am telling you. I wish you and this young woman well.

I hope that she has ended the sexual relationship with the other guy. I hope she has not been fooling you, but that is how it appears to me. Time would tell if I am wrong.

It is likely that this girl loves the other guy much more than you. When it comes to sex, she doesn't want to be treated as a lady. If you are ever thinking about marrying her, go and see a counsellor first because I believe that she is much smarter than you.


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