My boyfriend got two friends pregnant

May 26, 2020

Dear Pastor

I have been a regular reader of your column, and I want you to know that I have learnt so much from you. You are like a father to me. I grew up not knowing my father, but my mother used to always tell us to read Tell Me Pastor.

I was 20 years old when I had my first boyfriend. Everything he told me, he did not want me to tell my mother. He was 30 years old, and I did not know that he had two baby mothers. How did I find out? I was travelling in a bus, and I heard two guys talking about him, and they were saying that two girls got pregnant by him, and these two girls were friends. I sat there and listened.

I was so shocked because it was just a few nights before that he and I were together, and he was pressuring me to have sex with him, and I told him I was not ready, and he said that he would not get me pregnant. I asked him if he had protection, and he said no, but he would pull out. I had seen in your column that lots of men that tell women that they would withdraw don't always do so, and the women became pregnant. So I did not have sex with him.

When I reached my destination, I hurried home, and I told my mother what the men on the bus were saying about my boyfriend. I remembered my mother kneading flour to make dumplings, and she stopped and listened, and asked me if I believed that the men were talking the truth, and I told her yes. Then my mother bluntly asked me if I had ever had sex with him, and I told her no. She told me that whenever he called me, I should give her the phone.

That very evening, he called, and I handed the phone to my mother, and my mother asked him when last he had spoken to his babies' mothers. He asked her what she was talking about, and she repeated: "When last have you talked to the women who are pregnant for you?"

And he never answered.

Then she told him that she would love to see him, but he never came. He came to see me at a particular place that I don't want to mention. And he begged me to continue our relationship, but I told him no. And I asked why he had to get two friends pregnant. He said he did not mean to, it just happened. When I met this man and I introduced him to my mother, she told me that a man his age should know how to take care of me.

It took me three years before I could develop confidence in another man. I went to university. I did not party as some of my friends. I now hold a good job and I will be getting married soon. This guy who got these two women pregnant is still out there driving a bus and still has not settled down.

Whenever he sees me, he is still begging me pardon and telling me that I must learn to forgive. Pastor, one cannot trust these men. Even the guys on the bus were surprised that he got two friends pregnant, but they did not know that he and I had a relationship.

K.J.

Dear K.J.,

I must congratulate your mother for having a good relationship with you. You respected your mother and you talked to her just about everything. And she encouraged you to read my column. Many parents do so. Some, who think that I should be quoting the Bible all the time, are good at criticising me, but there are others who insist that their children should read my column. You were travelling on a bus and heard men talking about your boyfriend. They knew him well, but they did not know you If they knew you, they would not have talked for you to hear about his conduct. That was the best bus ride you will ever have.

Your mother is a good woman, and good women don't like men fooling their daughters, and that's why she wanted to talk to him after you went home and talked to her. He knew he could not face her, and that was why he never came back to the house.

I am glad that you ended the relationship with this man, and I am elated that you were able to go to university and you did your studies, and now you are in a beautiful relationship and you will be getting married soon. Your mother has grown you well. I wish you happiness. You deserve a good man in your life. You are a good example to other young women.

Pastor.

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