Should I tell him I am in need?

June 30, 2020

Dear Pastor

I would like your input on a matter that I am presently dealing with. I am 40 years old and I met a man more than two years ago . At that time, I had just gotten out of a relationship and was not ready to be in another one. However, we have been platonic friends ever since. I did tell him that I would give him a chance in my life, but only when I was ready.

We communicate every day, and sometimes the conversation is spicy. The chemistry between us is very strong. I like this man, he is hard-working and very skilled. I recently lost my job and I am struggling. I am a private person, so I do not tell him my personal needs. In three and a half months, this man has not offered me a red cent or asked if I need a plate of food. I live at home and do not have any children.

Do you think that a man is obligated to help a woman if he is not sleeping with her? Am I wrong or being greedy if I cut this man off for his insensitivity towards me?

Keep up the good work, Pastor.


Dear A.J.,

You are not a fool. You know where this relationship is leading. You know this man wants to get under your skirt, that's why both of you engage in spicy conversations. You said that the chemistry between the both of you is strong. You have fallen for this man and now that you are out of a job, the man is not stepping up and asking you how you are managing. Perhaps he feels that because you are living at home and do not have children, you do not need financial assistance.

I would hate to think that he is the type of guy who would not offer you help unless you offer him sex. But these spicy conversations that both of you are having may be his way of telling you that he wants the relationship to reach a certain level. And it is time for you to tell him what you need. You do not believe in asking a man for anything, you believe he should see your needs and offer help.

This man may not be the type of man you are looking for as a partner, he is too blind. However, the danger of suggesting that you need financial help is to give away yourself and cause him to believe that you have given him an invitation to become intimate with you.

You asked whether or not you should end the relationship with him. The reason why you have asked that question is because you believe that this man is mean and you do not want to have a mean man in your life. You should ask him how come he has never invited you out for a meal at a nice restaurant or so. Perhaps his answer will tell you whether or not he believes in spending money on a woman without getting anything in return. If he does not believe that he should take you out on a date wherever you want to go, then you would know you are wasting time with him and you should not entertain him anymore when he calls.

A man is not obligated to provide for a woman if they are not intimate friends or living together. However, a very smart man knows that he can offer help to any woman who is in need.


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