Cousin molested me years ago

July 06, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I recently had an argument with my father during which I divulged to him for the first time that I was molested by my cousin as a child.

I only told him out of anger because I had resigned to live with it. My paternal grandmother was the main person I grew up with and this happened while I lived with her, but she had certain biases against me as a child.

The reason I decided to live with it was because I believed my grandmother would make light of it or dismiss it as a lie. I could not bear to reveal such a thing and then to be denied the dignity of being taken seriously.

I do not blame her because I think the boy was just plain rude, but that's why I didn't say anything. Now that I have said it to my father in anger, my fears have been realised because he called my aunt and asked her, and from that time, it has become like a rumour.

Persons have called me and attempted to speak about it but never really being straight because they heard it by the wayside. My question is, how do I deal with this now?

Should I have a full discussion with those involved or should I leave it to my father to handle?


Dear S.L.,

I suggest that you talk to your father about this problem and ask him to talk to those who are questioning you about it. I do not believe that you are under any obligation to answer anyone who asks you about the incident.

This matter should have been dealt with from the time you were molested. Unfortunately, it was not dealt with and when you said it to your father, he was shocked. He cannot believe that you went through such an ordeal.

So talk to him and tell him that you apologise for the way that you talked to him and ask him to deal with the matter for you.


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