My niece slept with my husband

July 06, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I have been married for two years. My husband and I get along very well. I understand him so I know how to deal with him. He has a very stressful job and when he is under stress, he is miserable.

So whenever he comes home, I assist him in taking off his shoes, and when he showers, I massage his feet and lotion them.

I have a niece who attends university and she spent two days with us in December. In those two days, she got involved with my husband. I could not believe my niece could do that to me.

I saw a receipt in my husband's pocket. He had spent $30,000 on this girl and I know he is not a man who would do that for nothing.

He bought jewellery for her. At first, when I asked him who he bought the jewellery for, he did not want to tell me. But I pressed him and then I mentioned her name and he went silent.

My niece is 19. I tricked her and I told her over the phone that my husband confessed that they had sex.

At that time, my husband had not admitted anything, but I just suspected my niece. When she went back to the country, she was showing off her jewellery.

When her cousins asked how she could afford that, she told them it was her new boyfriend who gave them to her. Her new boyfriend is my husband.


She admitted to me on the phone that she did not want to hurt me but my husband insisted they should have sex before she go back to the country. So he took her to a motel and had sex with her.

She asked me to forgive her. I told her never to come back to my house, and as I thought about it, I asked her if my husband used a condom and she said yes.

When my husband came home from work, he saw me packing my clothes and asked me where I was going and I told him I was going to stay with a friend.

I started to cry and I told him that I could never love him like before because of what he did. I asked how he could have sex with my niece and buy her expensive jewellery.

He admitted that he bought her the jewellery but he has not admitted to having sex with her. I know he did and I don't know what to do.

He unpacked my suitcase but I did not sleep with him for three nights. Everything my niece said, he denied.

I did not know that this sort of thing would have happened to me and I have been so good to my niece. Please for your advice.


Dear M.R.,

Your husband did not suddenly become involved with your niece. Evidently, he was admiring her for a long time, and perhaps, long before she came to your house for a visit. She was having a good look at him too.

Your niece admitted that he bought her gifts and both of them had sex. I suppose she could not deny that she had relations with him because of the type of detective work you did.

Your husband does not want to lose you so that is why he wants you to believe that your niece is lying. I don't want you to feel that you have done anything wrong by having your niece spend just two days at your house.

If your husband had approached her for sex, she could have rejected him. Your niece should never be trusted by you, and it will take a long time for you to regain trust in your husband. I believe, however, one day he will come clean.

I suggest that both of you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor but I cannot encourage you to walk away from your husband.


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