Boyfriend prefers his mother’s cooking

September 15, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I always look forward to reading your column. It is the last thing I do in the evening before saying my prayers and going to bed. I have learned a lot from you.

I am having a problem. I have a boyfriend who is four years older than I am. We do not have children. I had a miscarriage and since then, I have not got pregnant again.

Both of us are living at his mother's home. She says that she loves me. I love her, but sometimes she gets on my nerves.

I cook for my boyfriend, but she cooks for him, too. When he comes home, he goes straight over to her side of the house and she feeds him before he comes over to our side.


Sometimes after eating from his mother, he does not eat what I have cooked. I told him a number of times that he should not expect me to cook and he doesn't eat what I cook.

He said he does not want this mother to feel bad, that is why he always eats what she cooks. I told him he should bring her dinner over to us and we can share it, but he has not done so.

One thing about her, he does not have to give her any money. In fact, he has tried, and she told him he should only give her the rent money and save to buy his own place.

She has encouraged me to drink certain bush teas to enable me to get pregnant again. I told her yes, but I am afraid of bush medicine.

She has another son who lives in the US with his wife. When he comes to Jamaica with his wife, he does not stay at the house. She is not a bad mother-in-law, but she is nosy. She told me that she is sorry she did not have more children. How can I tell her that she must stop cooking for her son?

She likes to see him eat and she will cook and give him the best part of the meat. I am looking forward to your reply.


Dear M.J.,

I know you would want your man to come straight to you when he comes home, and to eat what you have provided. But this man knows his mother better than you.

You have admitted that she is a good mother-in-law, and that she is not expecting anything from him apart from the rent, so I hope you would understand my position.

Don't fuss over what this woman is doing. He is your man, but she is his mother. If he wants to go there every evening and eat at her table, allow him to do so and not fuss about it.

On the other hand, your boyfriend should consider that you were preparing his meals also, so he should not put his mother first all the time. But I don't want you to make a fuss over this matter because it may spoil the good relationship that you have with your mother-in-law. You made a good suggestion.

Try and get your husband to bring the food that his mother gave to him, so he can share it with you. He should tell his mother that's what he wants to do, at least some of the time.


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