Husband gave me ‘bun’, so I gave it back

September 23, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 42 years old. I have a problem. I cannot discuss it with my pastor because I know he would read me out of the church. My husband and I are recently divorced and I have a boyfriend.

I tried to tell my minister from about two years ago that I saw a divorce coming between my husband and myself, but my minister ignored me.

I asked him to speak to my husband, but he said that my husband told him that I was very bad and that I was having an affair with a man from my workplace.

The truth is, I am involved with the man from my workplace, but there was nothing serious between us until my husband started to have a relationship with another woman, who is 10 years his junior. I asked the young woman if she and my husband were going to bed. She said yes and that I shouldn't talk to her, I should talk to my husband. She also said that I should know what to do to keep him at home.


My husband denied everything, but I knew that the girl was telling the truth, because I even found a pack of condoms in his inner jacket pocket. I asked him what it was doing there. He said his brother borrowed his car and forgot to take them out, so I asked him if the brother had borrowed his jacket, too.

My husband then came clean. He said he was having an affair, and I should change my ways because I was too 'stush' in bed. He said this girl made him feel very good.

He told the girl everything we discussed, and that he was going to divorce me. I did not beg for him to stay because while he was carrying on with this girl, I was being 'serviced' by one of his friends. I know he will drop down and die if I were to tell him who, but he will never know that. I am quite happy being single, but I would like to get married again.

But my church says that to do so, I would be living in sin until I die. My husband and I do not have children.


Dear R.B.,

Some of the things you have written, I cannot divulge. No, I will not submit such things for publication. But I will add that you are dangerous.

When I first started to read your letter, I thought that your husband was 100 per cent at fault, but he is not. Yes, he had a girlfriend and she was out of order.

She had no right to talk to you in the manner she did. But you are not a saint, far from it. While your husband was being unfaithful, you were unfaithful to him too, and you were doing so with his friend. As Jamaican people would say, it was 'bun fi bun'.

Now, how do you want to get married to your husband's friend? You might get angry with me, but I must tell you the truth; you're not a good woman.

And your husband's friend cannot be trusted. This is such a wicked world. I am going to beg you to end the relationship with your husband's friend. You have a divorce on paper, but you are not fit to be another man's wife right now. Consider what I have said. The issue right now is not whether it is right to divorce and remarry. You are not fit to remarry, at least not now.


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