Babyfather doesn’t want to see our son

October 15, 2020

Dear Pastor ,

I am 20. I got pregnant at age 17 and had to drop out of school. I am not living with my babyfather, so he would normally come and visit me at my mother's home.

Sometimes I would bring the baby to spend weekends with him. One of the times he asked me to let the baby spend a week with him.

I said no because the baby was still dependent on breast milk. The baby was only five months old so he shouldn't be getting bottles.

I told him that the baby wouldn't take the bottles and he said, "Think the baby a fool fi starve himself because him naah go have no breast fi suck?" I refused to send the baby.

We started to meet in a park every weekend or two. We weren't getting along very well; every time we were to meet up for him to see the child, there was always a problem.

Last year on his birthday, he said to me, "Mi want me and the baby go beach." I brought the baby to him. After dropping the baby off and I was getting ready to leave, he grabbed my phone. A lot of excitement took place. After that, we didn't meet up with each other for him to see the baby anymore.

Since the start of this year, I have been trying my best to get in contact with him, but he refuses to speak with me. I called and texted him, telling him I didn't want our son to grow up without a father like I did, but he keeps saying that he's not ready to see our son.

He doesn't even support our son. He works and spends his money and his time with his girlfriend. It hurts me to see all this happening. I feel like I am going crazy.

I told him that he doesn't have to give the baby anything; I just want him to visit him. We don't speak but it's not just because he doesn't take care of his child.

It is also because I refuse to go and live with him. After having my baby, I went back to school and I gained six subjects.

This guy was my first love, now my heart is broken. I tried to love another and I couldn't, just because of the love I had for him. Pastor, you want to know what hurts me the most?

When I told him that I wanted the child to know him because our son is two years old, he asked me if I didn't respect the ring on his finger. I was so shocked.

The ring on his finger has nothing to do with knowing his child, right? Or has anything to do with the child getting along well with him. I feel like I am going crazy.


Dear N.P.,

This man thought you were a fool, but you are surely not. What he really wants you to do is to continue to go to bed with him. He would see his child but his child would only be a pass to get to you. You are indeed a wise woman.

I don't agree with you in one area; you need to take this man to court for child support. I understand you say that you don't need anything from him. However, he should be made to support his child. When you collect the child support, you do not have to spend same.

You could have a special account and put that money towards your son's education. That will go a far way in paying him through college. Before I go, let me congratulate you for going back to school. Please try your best to get a career. The Lord be with you my dear, keep strong.


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