Cheated because my spouse is a deadbeat

October 16, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I need your advice. I have been living with my babyfather for four years. From the time I started living with him, he has always been broke.

He worked with a telecommunications company and I was in and out of jobs. I provided most of the money to run the house and we have a three-year-old daughter together. He is a good father, but the relationship between us was not perfect.

Several times I have searched his phone and saw that he was texting and probably having sexual relationships with other girls. He wouldn't provide for me and his daughter, so I had outside relationships for money. That way I could have food to eat and pay our bills. He told me several times to leave his house, because I found out he was having sex with other girls. Then he begged me to come back. I moved in again.


The last time he told me to leave, it was because he saw me sending naked pictures to a man overseas to get money from the man. I know what I did was wrong, but it was just because I was in need of the money. Now that we have broken up, he is asking me to come back.

But I am afraid that if I do, and we get into another argument, he will put me out as he has done in the past. I need to be treated better, and he needs to help me out with money. The bills are heavy on me.


Dear T.M.,

From what you have explained, your child's father says he loves you, but he never genuinely showed it. It is not just what a man says, it is what he does.

A man can tell a woman how much he loves her, but if he is living with her and he makes no provision for her, then he is a liar. She should leave him.

Please understand that I am not saying that she should walk away from him if he is under financial problems and he explained to her what's going on. No good woman would walk away from him just like that. But if he tells her he loves her while having affairs with other women, he is encouraging her to have affairs also.

Why should a man expect his woman to put food on the table when he is putting food on another woman's table?

It is unfortunate that you felt compelled to go to bed with other men because you wanted food. I am going to tell you straight up, as plain as I can, don't go back to this man. Do anything that is legal to earn money, but don't go back to this man.


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