The guys I date are so dumb

December 30, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 years old and I am living in the US with my parents. From I was 16, they have been allowing me to date. I have gone out many times but some these guys are not worth a dime. They cannot even hold a good conversation and they are always talking foolishness. I know how to operate. They do not engage me in intelligent conversations, they do not challenge my intellect. I told myself that in the future I will not date any guy unless he is in his 20s. Recently, I went out with a guy twice. He seems nice, but all he was playing on his radio was sexy songs and I do not like that. When I told him to put on different CDs, he told me I was boring.

I have a good friend and she has been dating guys who are in their late 20s. Some of our friends told her that she is dating 'old' men but she does not seem to have the problems that I am having. I would like to become a medical doctor but many of the guys I meet are not interested in having professional women. They want to be in music and in the limelight. My parents have taught me to study hard and not to rely on men for anything, so I am working very hard, Pastor. I would prefer to marry a black guy, but so many of these black guys just want to play around and I am not into that. Give me some advice.

D.L.

Dear D.L.,

You are only 17 years old; you have a long way to go. Your parents have been allowing you to go on dates and that is indeed the American way. Dating has its advantages. You learn to socialise with different men, but dating does not mean that you are ready to get married. Neither does it mean, as some people think, that you are ready to have sex. For some people, the moment a girl says she went on date, they believe that she is interested in sex. There are guys who will test girls who they go out with. And from what you said, some of these guys have tried to test you to see if they could bed you. That's why they play these songs that are of a sexual nature, to see if you will join in to that type of music, to see if you will 'sing and dance'. But it is better for a guy to call you boring than for you to allow him to lead you to where you don't want to go.

The men you date should be intelligent; you should be challenged by them and learn different things from them as they learn from you. Your focus should be to go to school and keep your eyes on your goal. You do need time to socialise, and your parents understand that very well. So whether the guy is white or black, you need to protect yourself and let each one know that if they need sex, you are not ready for that.

You are much more mature than some of the guys you have gone out with. One of your girlfriends who dates older men doesn't have that problem. Before you go out on date, question these guys on the phone and learn a little about them before you leave your house.

Pastor

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