In-laws hate my guts

January 08, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a frustrated 37-year-old wife. I got married last year to a man I dated for 15 years; we were even living together at one point.

Before we got married, he met an American woman while he was at his parents' house, but we were still living together. He and this woman started dating but I did not know about it until one day his daughter asked me for a ride home. She asked if I could stop by her grandparents' home.

Pastor, she was going there to take her measurement for her wedding dress. The man was getting married to the woman he met overseas. I was so heartbroken. Everything was planned at my mother-in-law's house. I worked so hard to take care of myself. I didn't ask him for anything. However, unfortunately, during his wedding planning, my house got burned down so his house was now my house permanently. A few months after the home ordeal, he asked me to give him a break because his fiancee was coming and would be staying by him.

My heart dropped, but I picked it up and packed the little things I had and left his house. I stopped at a friend for a few days. I rented a house and stayed there for a few weeks. I stopped taking his calls for weeks and was focusing on me.

I got a job because I was just leaving nursing school. Pastor, he got through to go to the US. Before he left he asked to see me and I said no. Travelling back and forth to work became expensive for me. I spoke to him about it and he said he knew someone who had a house close to me and it was for rent. So I took the opportunity and rented the house. After living there for over a year, if a fly came by, this man would hear and would ask me about it. I spent four years at the house and it was four years of hell with his family. They saw everyone who came to my house.

His wife passed away and we started dating again. He came back to Jamaica and we got married. But I understand his family was not in agreement with it because he was dating another American woman who used to send things to them. After we got married, everything was going well but he kept on asking me about a previous neighbour who used to text me. Not very long ago he sent me a text asking about this man. I remember the man was passing one day and saw me and stopped. I tell my husband just about everything, but if he calls me and does not get me, it's a problem; everything is a problem to him. I told him to stop allowing people to talk to him about me. I have never cheated on my husband.

I told him that I was going to ask my neighbour why they had my name about the place saying I am cheating. Where are these allegations coming from? I tried to get my mother-in-law and my neighbour to trash out this thing. My husband is upset about what I did. He did not even call me for Christmas. Why would my husband take news from his mother when he knows that I am not their favourite?

Things are very difficult with me. I had to close my business because of the situation. My husband does not even call to find out how I am coping.

Initial Withheld.

Dear...,

I hate to tell you the truth madam but I must. You made a big mistake by marrying this man. You are not a fool but intelligent people often make mistakes and you should have seen long ago that the relationship with this man would not have lasted anytime. He likes to listen to news and he does not check to find out why people are saying these things about you. You mentioned that you did not have to rely on him for anything and yet after he insulted you by getting involved with other women, you agreed to marry him. I repeat myself you made a mistake.

In Jamaica, people call women who behave like your mother-in-law 'licky licky'. I can only assure you that I will pray for you but this relationship was never built on a solid foundation so you should prepare yourself for a rough future. While you are with him, make plans to live on your own because one of these days he is likely to leave for good.

Pastor

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