It bothers me that I’m older than my boyfriend

January 13, 2021

Dear Pastor,

This is my second time writing to you. The first time I wrote to you it was about my stepfather who asked me for sex and I complained to my mother about it and it caused a big fuss; my mother did not believe me. I write to tell you that I am doing well and my mother is now proud of me. I went to college, I graduated and I am working.

Pastor, I have a boyfriend but it is causing me a little concern because I am 27 and he is 24. I don't look my age, I look younger than him. My mother said that there is nothing wrong with the age difference; I should just show him respect. But when we are talking about life and making plans, his age is always coming up in my mind. Another thing, my boyfriend is an only child.

When I first met his mother, she was very excited over me. His mother is dating a man much older than herself. His wife passed on and they were a wealthy couple. They have a couple of houses and he is always taking my boyfriend's mother for weekends at one of his houses. I want you to tell me what to do.

My boyfriend wants me to celebrate his birthday in April with him at one of his stepfather's homes. I don't know whether I should go. I have started sleeping with this guy but my closest friends will be at the party and I don't want them to know that we have been sleeping together. We all attend the same church. How would I tell him that I am not inviting them to his party because we are sleeping together? I know that his mother and this man are sleeping together because many times when she visits him, she does not return home.

I told a couple of my friends about the party and they are getting excited about it. So, Pastor, help me with two things, the age issue and the party.


Dear L.M.,

The age should not be an issue. This man is only three years younger than you. Dr Slayton, who was a psychologist, told us in one of his lectures that it is better for a man to marry a woman who is older than himself. I cannot recall the reasons he gave but I remember him saying that to us. I know that he was younger than his wife. So I would say to you, don't ever think of ending this relationship with this man because of his age; go for it.

Your boyfriend wants you to spend his birthday with him at one of his stepfather's homes and you can invite your friends. You did not say you don't want to go but your concern is that if you were to go and have your friends attend, they will know that you have been sleeping with your boyfriend and up to this time that has been a secret. To me this is so easy. If you don't want them to know, don't invite them because the secret will be blown. But why do you guys have to sleep together in any case?

You are fortunate to have this guy but you are making an issue over the age, and as I see it, that is foolishness. You have friends and you want them at your boyfriend's party and your boyfriend would expect you to sleep with him, but you do not want your friends to know. Do not invite them. It's not your party so your friends do not have to be there. By the way, stop being a hypocrite. Your boyfriend and yourself can get married and free up yourselves and it won't have to be a secret anymore that you are sleeping together.

I hope that this older man would marry your boyfriend's mother and also that you and your boyfriend will plan your lives intelligently. I hope that you would learn not to be concerned about being older than him. Age is much more than a number so I don't want anybody to get the impression that one should never be concerned about age. I am only saying that it should not be an issue between yourself and your boyfriend.


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