Shocked when my daughter became a teen mom

January 20, 2021

Dear Pastor,

My first daughter is 18. One Saturday evening while we were having supper, she told us about her boyfriend. Five of us were at the table.

She said she wanted to inform us about him and she wanted us to know that she intended to marry him whether we were in favour or not.

We all know the young man. He is from a hard-working family. We asked her why she was in a rush to get married and she hesitated a little and said 'because I am pregnant'.

Her father chuckled and her brother and sister said, 'what?' and she repeated, 'I am pregnant'. She then got up and went to her room. Her father followed her. I asked her siblings if they knew she was seeing this guy and they said no. 'So, what are we going to do'? each one asked. And I said 'pray'. 'Are you going to stop her from getting married'? one other sibling asked, and I said 'no, she is 18 years old'. That night my husband and I prayed, and we decided to let our daughter have her way.

She got married but these two young people made no preparation for a family. They got married. They had to find a place to live and to get all the necessities for a house. We bought them a bed. The rent was $25,000 a month. The young man's parents got him a used stove. Our daughter had to learn to wash with her bare hands and got an old washing machine that broke down after a month.

When the baby was born, she could not manage. Our husband called her 'the prodigal daughter'. She cried, saying she wanted to come home so her father told her to come. But she hardly slept at home. She ate and drank at home and enjoyed everything we had. Even her husband enjoyed dinner with us.

After six months staying with us, she got pregnant again. This was the girl we expected to do so well in college. The young man got a job but his pay was not substantial. She talked about her friends. She said that they were lucky to have guys with good jobs. I told her one day that her luck could turn around if she stopped blaming others for her problems.

Today our beautiful daughter is in college. She wants to become a nurse. Her husband spends much more time with the children while she studies. I have never seen my husband being so patient with anybody as he is with her. She has begged him pardon so many times and he would always tell her, 'be careful with your young life, don't waste any more time with life'.

People blame my husband for not putting his feet down when she was younger. He allowed her to go wherever she wanted to go and he thought that he should be blamed for her getting pregnant so young.

C.

Dear C.,

Your husband should not blame himself, neither should you blame yourself. You have tried your very best. At 18, she knew that she should not be having unprotected sex, and anyone who has unprotected sex is likely to become pregnant. Both of you took the courageous decision to encourage her to have her baby and to have her wedding, but clearly, she was not prepared for a husband, a child and a home. She had nothing. She got a bed from you, and a stove from her husband's parents. She had to learn the hard way, but I am not prepared to condemn her at all.

She and this young man made mistakes. Your husband has not given up on his daughter and he is a good example to fathers. Now that this young woman has gone through so many trials, she might not have any more children. I wish her well.

Pastor

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