My future stepson hates me

January 21, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I have enjoyed reading your column. I never thought that I would write to you but I am having a problem. I am 51 and I am in love with a woman. We have been together for 14 years.

We do not have children together. She has three children from another relationship, and I have one. Her children don't like me, especially her son. He said I caused his parents to break up. That is partly true because this woman and I started an affair and that led to the breaking up, but I had nothing to do with it.

Our relationship started after she told me that the man was not treating her well, so we became involved and unfortunately, one day, that same son came and caught me romancing his mother and told his father what he saw. I was with her at her house and she did not expect the children to visit her that evening because the father had them. Strange enough, the son has forgiven his mother, but he does not talk to me at all.

I am now a Christian and I want to clean up my life. I want to marry this woman because we have been going on for a long time and she would like for us to get married also. I don't know what to do because she has spoken to her children and they don't want her to marry me. I can always find another woman to marry, but I love this woman and she deserves my ring more than anyone else.

One day I told the young man that I would like to talk to him, and he told me if it had to do with his mother, he did not want to talk. This woman and I have bought a house together so we can't just walk away from each other like that. We are not living in the same house right now, but we plan to do so after we are married.

My only child is living in the US with her mother and I told her of my plans, and she is encouraging me to get married. But I did not tell her of the problems I am having with the woman's children. I suggested to my woman that we should just call it a day but, Pastor, it would be hard for us to do that because we have been together for a long time and I gave up other women because of her. Please give me your advice.


Dear R.P.,

You and this woman have had a relationship for 14 years. Her children are adults, and it is not unusual for some adult children to object to their parents getting married to certain people.

You have to live with the woman you love. And if her children do not like you and you have tried to reach out to them and they refuse to have anything to do with you, you can't change that. My suggestion, therefore, is that you and this woman should get married and don't allow what the children say to get in the way.

This woman and you have bought a house together, therefore, I suggest that both of you should go to see a lawyer before you get married and discuss your plans with him or her. I say that because I do not know how the property was bought, whether jointly or by tenants in common. The woman should be protected, and you also, so check that out, and I wish you well.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories