My friend is sleeping with my dad

February 04, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I will be 18 soon. I have been living with my father from I was 11. My mother left him and went abroad and got married. She lied to my father when he asked her if she got married.

My father has had different helpers, but he always got involved with them because he said he would rather do that than go out. These women never complained because they enjoyed the money. All of them said they loved him because he was a kind man.

I have a friend who is two years older than I am. She is from the ghetto. We are very close friends and sometimes she stays with me. She is a church girl. Her parents have many children and I would give her money out of what my father gave me. She was always saying how my father was very kind.

One day she told me she saw the helper kissing my father, and I told her she should not tell anybody. When my father and I were alone, I told him what my friend said, so he should be careful. He told me that she should also have told me that she liked him and was making dates with him.

To my surprise, my father took her out on her birthday. When they came home, I was asleep. Instead of coming to my room, she went to my father's room and slept with him all night.

When she woke up, she said that she hoped I was not upset because she slept with my father. She said he only looked old, but he is 'not cold'. I told her to make sure that my father did not get her pregnant because she would get nothing. She does not have a boyfriend. She acts like she is in charge in the house. My father told me that I should not be worried as he knew what he was doing. I cannot be upset with my father. At least I know what he is doing because all these helpers took advantage of him.

My father took this girl's virginity. I blame my mother for everything because she did not have to be living in the US. My father says he has 10 more working years and he is not in any major debt. Sometimes I ask this girl when she is going to go home because of the way she is behaving. She told me that my father did not want her to leave. I told her that she should leave and visit like she used to do. It is causing a little uneasiness between the both of us but I don't have anything against her.

L.

Dear L.,

Your father does not realise that he has got himself into a pot of soup. He is having fun now, but this is not a good way for a man his age to live. I can see why you are not pleased with their relationship.

She is 19. She sees how much your father loves her. She is not going to walk away from him just to please you. Your father has been nice to her. She knows she can help to fill the gap in his life and so she has pushed herself on to him and because of his sexual needs, he is not willing to push her away.

My question to you is, these helpers who used to come and work at the house, are they still coming? Is this girl assisting to keep the house clean? Has she taken the place of the helpers? You have warned her to be careful that your father does not get her pregnant. I hope she would take heed.

I am glad you and your father have a good rapport and that you communicate well. Perhaps what you should do is to try and tell your father to establish a relationship with a woman who is much older than your friend. Just tell him you would prefer he have a relationship with a much older woman. If he says he is not interested, don't push him and don't fight him over this young woman. Try your best to pursue a university education.

Pastor

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