My girlfriend is too bossy

February 08, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a 22-year-old man. I am trying to walk the straight and narrow way. Before I became a Christian, I had three girlfriends. Now that I am a Christian, I only have one girlfriend but she does not want to come to church with me. She is 25 years old and both of us are born in August. She is a ruler. The other girls I had were in my age group. This one who is around me does not live with me, but she visits me almost every day. I am renting a room from an old woman. When I found this place, the old woman told me that she wanted a young man who would help to protect her. She likes my girlfriend. I have my own bathroom and a kitchenette and I have my own entrance.

My landlady treats me like her own son. She cooks and leaves food for me. She asked me if I was going to get married to my girlfriend. I told her I was 22 years old and I was not ready for that. She did not know I was so young. When I told her my age, she said I should wait for a few more years before I got married. I feel that I am a backslider because my girlfriend wants to have sex all the time. I told her that it was wrong, and she didn't take no for an answer. I do not know what to do because I am not ready to get married and I don't want to leave my girlfriend.

Please give me your advice.


Dear D.T.,

First of all, I am glad that you are living at a place where you are comfortable. You have not said anything about your background. However, I am glad that you have started out life fairly well. The landlady treats you like her son. So, I want you to make sure that you look out for her interests.

Concerning your girlfriend, you say she is a ruler and I suspect that you are saying that, whatever she says, you should do, and that would be a real challenge for you as a man because she is older than you. But she ought not to pressure you to get married to her if you are not ready. At your age, you are not too young to get married. However, if you are not ready, you should not be forced into it. So, you have a decision to make. I am not going to tell you to get married now or to leave your girlfriend. What I would suggest you to do is for your girlfriend and yourself to make an appointment to see a family counsellor and discuss the matter with him or her and then make your decision.

You say that this young girl loves the sex, but face it, you love the sex too, because if you did not love the sex, you would not have three women at the same time before you went into the church. I know you mean well. You have to be very careful that this woman does not destroy your faith. I believe she can turn around, so go see a counsellor. If she does not want to go for counselling, you might have to consider ending the relationship with her.


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