My boyfriend talks to his dead wife’s ghost

February 18, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 46 years old. I have four children, but I am not living with their father. I am living with another man, who is 62. He was married, but his wife is dead.

This man and I get along well, but he has some strange behaviour. All his wife's clothes are still in her vanity and clothes closet, even down to her underwear.

He keeps the cup that she used to drink from in one area, and the glass she used is in one side of the kitchen cupboard. I am forbidden from using the cup or the glass.

His children are not living with us, but only his daughter who comes to see him can use her cup or glass.

I told him he should give away his wife's clothes. He told me I was crazy. I also told his daughter to suggest that he give them away, and she told me she could not do that.

Sometimes he sits on the bed and talks, but he is not talking to me. When I ask him who he is talking to, he said he's talking to his former wife as she just came into the room to visit him. I told him he should tell her to go back where she came from.

I have never been married, but I would love to be. This man is a pensioner. He took early retirement from the company he used to work with, and he is also getting money from the home his wife owned and another that he owns. His children are on their own, but sometimes he helps his daughter financially. He and his children are very close. His daughter is always warning me to make sure I take care of him.

He is not quarrelsome, but he is stern. He helps me to cook and although we are not married, he wants us to go to church every Sunday. The pastor is always asking me when are we going to get married. I told my boyfriend that he had some habits I want him to change; but all he does is laugh. I told him he believes in duppy, and that is why he said his wife visits sometimes. But he says he knows when she is visiting because he smells her perfume.

T.

Dear T.,

This man has not got over the death of his wife and that is why he does not have the courage to pack up her belongings and give them away. Her memory is still very strong and as long as her clothes are in the room, he will think of her every day and behave as if she is there. So please don't touch them.

You made a mistake by moving in with him while these things were very much evident. You should have told him that he should clear the room of the woman's clothes, shoes and her other belongings before going in there.

You say that sometimes you see or hear him talking to his former wife, but you have never seen her. He says he knows when she is around because he smells her perfume. This man is mixed-up. I repeat, he has not got over her. You should not consent to marry him at all until there is a radical change in him.

I am glad that both of you are going to church. Tell the pastor the area of your concern and let him have a word with this man. If you marry him with the baggage that he is carrying, you will have problems in the future. I wish you well.

Pastor

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